20 Things You Didn't Know......

So, that de Menezes inquest result in full:


1. The British public are all vicious, vindictive and compulsive liars.
2. All officers of the Metropolitan Police always tell the truth and have no track record whatsoever stretching back 40 or more years for being lying, corrupt, deceitful bastards who would sell their grannies for a bacon sandwich.
3. It is perfectly permissible for the police to shoot dead whoever they want, whenever they want, wherever they want, for whatever reason they deem fit.
4. It is a complete and utter mystery how an innocent Tube train passenger met his death after being shot seven times in the head without warning by one police officer while being restrained by another so that he could not move.
5. No-one facing the prospect of a murder or manslaughter charge being brought against them would ever lie to a court to avoid such an eventuality.
6. A jury’s duty when considering evidence brought forward by a lengthy investigation involving testimony from more than 100 witnesses at a cost of around £3 million shall be to conclude whatever the coroner was told to conclude before said investigation even started.
7. Two verdicts shall be open to British juries;
a) Members of the public put on trial for a crime can be found either not guilty or guilty.
b) Police officers put on “trial” for a “crime” can be found either not guilty or not guilty.
8. Anyone carrying a rucksack, using public transport and being foreign in a built-up area shall be deemed to have committed a crime punishable by death (on-the-spot penalty).
9. The moon is made of cheese.
10. Former England football international and club manager Peter Reid has NOT got an ugly monkey’s head.
11. From the basement of Framley’s department store in Barnsley you can see 97 continents.
12.Women really aren’t bothered how big a man’s penis is.
13. Men never think after they’d had sex with a woman “Oh God, I’ve got to hold her now and the pizza place closes in half an hour”.
14. Buying a second-hand car off Jeffrey Archer is a really good idea.
15. Timmy Mallet is NOT an abject cunt.
16. David Icke was right all along.
17. Walking into work and telling your boss he is a pathetic, fat, ugly, insecure, arse-licking, talentless tosser with a face like an anally recycled curry who you would not piss on were he on fire is both dishonest and a good career move.
18. It is a good idea to always be honest when your wife asks “Does my bum look big in this?” and say “Walk 200 yards down the street and ask me again”.
19. Staines is one of the forgotten beauty spots of England.
…………………………and finally…………………………
20. Father Christmas DOESN’T exist for members of the Metropolitan Police Force’s tactical firearms unit.