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Still The Greatest!


Thursday, 15 October 2009

Who Was That Masked Man? aka Wat's Da Big Idea?

I've always said I view this Blog as a literary equivalent of the shouting of the little boy in the story of the Emperor's New Clothes. Well, even the little boy had to stop shouting at some point - I mean, the lad had a life to lead!

Either people are going to listen or they aren't. There's nowt I can do to affect that outcome. Junior, as it happened, got a result and everyone realised that the emperor was actually stark bollock naked and everything he had been saying was bullshit. Truthfully, I never expected the Great British Blog-reading public to realise the State and those in power were proverbially in the all-together, dispensing crap with the enthusiasm of a mushroom grower, while the nation as a whole swallowed the detritus with glee and lived on, naked, raw fungi themselves, in the cold and dark. The shouting was merely for my sanity. "For evil to triumph.........." and all that.

So, it's time for this little boy to leave the crowd behind and go and find something interesting and worthwhile to do. There may be other crowds he needs to join and make his voice heard but, for now, his larynx needs a rest. Yes, it's GOODBYE AT LAST TO GRANTHAM NEW TOWN!

There have to be parting words, however. I imagine the little boy in the fairytale merely said something like "told you so" and disappeared over the horizon, scratching his balls and whistling as he went. For me to do the same would be a little too easy and ultimately render these years of ranting pointless. Conclusions are what's needed. Without them, all the words that have gone before are like the splods of shit which land on your shoulder as the seagulls above circle around, squawking madly, before heading off to the landfill site which is the future.

The first conclusion is obvious. What to do with Grantham New Town, now it's been created. The question is rhetorical. NUKE THE FUCKING PLACE!!! In one simple and mindless act of destruction, gone would be Thatcher and Thatcherism, Blair and Blairism, browsing hours at supermarkets, binmen who insist the handles face the road, Piers Morgan, "chat" and "gossip" magazines, banks and bankers, Rupert Murdoch, Jim Davidson, Timmy Mallet and the Nazi Party. George W Bush, that woman from my post office, Snickers bars, Baby-on-Board stickers and Virgin Rail would all become disassociated atoms once more, scattered to the furthest flung reaches of the universe. No more doctors' receptionists, bye-bye individually wrapped fruit pies, adios to DJs. Imagine? Wouldn't all of the above make more poignant, heartfelt and meaningful lyrics than Lennon's "no possessions", penned in the back of his Rolls Royce on the way back to his multi-million-dollar New York home?

Trouble is, sending the bastards back to the Stone Age doesn't cure the underlying problem. Research has shown that in an Einsteinian universe, given sufficient provision of heat, pressure, water and carbon atoms, a new Paul Daniels would eventually be created over the eons. Darwin himself hinted in his unpublished masterpiece I'm Warning You Madge that the venom-spitting, slime maggot of the Indus would eventually evolve into Peter Mandelson, given a few breaks in the mutation stakes. No, there is really only one way of helping to ensure another Nick Griffin does not emerge from the primeval swamp (assuming the original one managed it in the first place) and that is...............REVOLUTION.

"Fuck me, Reg! It's taken you three years to come to that conclusion? Give us a break!" No, wait, there's more to it. By "revolution", I don't mean we should be grabbing Armalites and going round executing every right-winger or person who has phoned in to The Wright Stuff to offer their views on "Gravy - Do They Make It Like They Used To?" No, I think the Army should be doing that. By "revolution" I mean "a revolution", a very specific, bloodless, organised and legal revolution.

To know what sort of revolution we need we need to know what is wrong with things as they are. Well, in short, the system of political governance in this country is fucked. It is deeply, deeply flawed but deliberately flawed so as to allow those least worthy of power and influence to achieve just that and suppress the majority. Since Thatcher, and thanks to Blair, the electorate has had two choices - vote right-wing Tory under the guise of Conservatism or vote right-wing Tory under the guise of New Labour. Anything else, we are told, would be a wasted vote. It has, indeed, been engineered through the absence of proportional representation and boundary re-jigging.

So, how do we get the far wider range of political viewpoints held by the populace represented in government? Well, the people have to be offered an alternative - not just an alternative to global capitalism but to the democratic system as it stands. Others with brains will come up with far better ideas but just a simpleton like me has a few basic ideas. They could surely go in the melting pot?

How about, for one, we start by asking the electorate if they are satisfied by and feel represented by the current system of government in this country? How do we do this? Well, how about we lobby for a national advertising campaign ahead of the General Election which proposes adding another box to all ballot papers going out for the big day. Below the boxes marked "Labour", "Conservative", "Liberal Democrat", "Green" and "British National Party" etc, a box would be available, accompanied by the words "NONE OF THE ABOVE".

If voters are truly happy with what they've got they will say so. I suspect, however, that being offered an alternative for the first time in 30 years would prompt a record turnout and an overwhelming call for a change.

What then? Well, how about we install an emergency, coalition Government with a remit to handle the affairs of the country for a set period - say three years - during which petitions of a certain size for public referenda on given issues be acceded to?

During this time, a national commission should be established in which non-party members from constituencies, backed by support from a sprinkling of academics and legal experts, examine and gauge the extent of feeling and policy differences at large in the country on key issues, such as education, social welfare, defence, healthcare, the environment, industry, finance etc. The aim of the commission should be to identify political groupings which could best encapsulate the majority views of different groupings of people - i.e. new political parties. There should be no fewer than four and an upper limit should be set, dependant on the commission's findings, of, say, six.

Public taxes (i.e the Government) should then pay to establish these parties, publicise them and outline on television and in newspapers their manifestos. Essential to the working of this would be side issues which would require legislation from the interim Government, such as "one newspaper, one owner", "one commercial television or radio station, one independent company", the outlawing of political lobbying companies etc.

A fresh General Election would be called at the end of the commission's work and rules for proportional representation in the new Government be devised. Yes, it would be a coalition Government - but it would prevent extremism.

Ok, a lot of the above is shite! I thought it up in about ten minutes. There are so many holes and problems it is probably impossible - BUT IT IS AN IDEA!!!! WE NEED MORE IDEAS, AND NOT FROM THOSE ALREADY IN POWER. THINK!!!! FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, JUST THINK!!!!!!!!!

Then again, who gives a shit? Evolution more or less dictates that we will destroy ourselves. Greed and war will turn us against ourselves. Hell, they say the dinosaurs were thick as pigshit but it took a fucking big asteroid to get rid of them. They were, at least, smart enough not to wipe themselves out!!!!

Well, that's about it, really. The end of an error. I know no-one will read this, or those that do will not have got this far, so I am talking to myself. Maybe, after all, I am metaphorically wandering away, mumbling "I told you so" and scratching my bollocks, like the little boy in the fairytale?

So it's goodbye from me, Reg, and it's goodbye from Grantham New Town. I may well pop up somewhere else, but in a different guise. Then again, I may just bugger off somewhere and raise wolves in the wild. Who knows?

Thank you for reading. Take care of yourselves. XXXXX


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the wise words and laughs. Love you.

Big Ears

Vicus Scurra said...

That wasn't bad. Looking forward to the next post.

Malc said...

All good things come to an end and all that. . . more important, is your spare room free a week on Friday?

Anonymous said...

Not so much the frustrated shouting of a wee boy (and I didn't peek - honest), more like pissing in the wind.

I'll miss your rantings, you old curmudgeon.

Anonymous said...

So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen good-bye etc....


The Birdwatcher said...

You'll be back

Gin said...

I haven't been around here much, not on my own blog either, but I will miss your wit and wisdom. I do hope you show up again somewhere else. If you do, please let me know or post a link here. I'm going to save this link.

Miss you already,


SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1. From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).

Monday, 12 November 2007

Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.

....And On the Subject of Great Public Services

I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.

...There's More

On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!

Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!

Oh...........my............God!!!!! My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!

Tuesday, 18 September 2007.

I wish I'd sung this! For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can. (P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.) P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.

To Make You Laugh and Cry

I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons. On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.2
Mind: 4.1
Body: 2.7
Spirit: 8
Friends/Family: 1.6
Love: 0
Finance: 5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"

I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things

Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact. To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:

Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........

In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today. The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared. Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.

Life On The Edge - No Net.

I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal? Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having! Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting! Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.

The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?

Be honest........