The Gospel According To Pither

The Tree of Pither


Well, at last I know. The circle WILL be completed. I have amounted to nothing, of that I am sure. That I shall die a nothing seems inevitable. Now, thanks to my brother, I know that I came from nothing.....

"And the second son did sayeth unto his father: 'Yea, verily, you gaveth unto me ten talents and look, I have given you back ten talents.'"

I like that Biblical theme so I shall continue with it in an effort to explain. "And it came to pass that Pither's older sibling - he that standeth one full span and a small, tinned loaf, he that has lived more than two score and ten and whose hair hath been smiteth from his head - was much taken by the Devil's Lantern and parables of ancestry researched. Knowing, as he did, that the father who begat his father had been of much import in the place that is Mansfield, in the land called Notts, going by the title of "mayor" in that kingdom, Pither the elder did delve into his antecedents and toil into the midnight hour to reveal unto all the family tree.
"Now there lay great cunning and deviousness behind older Pither's trials for, verily, no shiteth could he in truth have given to learn the names of those unto the tenth generation of his tribe. No, being an avaricious man, the elder had reasoned that if one of his number had risen to become leader of the Mansfield temple then, forsooth, a pot of gold must surely somewhere lay buried.
"And so The Elder did delve, and he did labour and he did visit those places where many books are held until, after much digging, he did bring forth unto the tribe of Pither the fruits of his toil. Now The Elder was much troubled by that which was revealed unto him by his labours but Pither, being as alike The Elder as a pomegranate is to Caesar's arse, found much mirth in the results - in truth, the plums of his groin did falleth to the ground like the leaves of autumn, such was the laughter enjoyed.
"For it came to pass that the father who begat their father had indeed been much revered in that place which is Mansfield but he had risen by scurrilous means and had gone to sit with the Lord God Almighty without so much as a pot in which to piss.
"This revelation, like St Paul's encounter on the road to Damascus, had great impact on The Elder but the path ahead became even more strewn with stones as the roll of ancestors was unfurled. Verily, I say unto you that the lineage which spouted from the loins of he that was mayor ran thus:

Nobby Pither (Mayor of Mansfield)
..begat by Kevin (railway navvy)
..begat by Colin (railway navvy)
..begat by Dirk (railway navvy)
..begat by Lionel (interior designer)
..begat by Bert (railway navvy)
..begat by Peeper (felon)
..begat by Butch (navvy)
..begat by The Duchess of Bedford (female impersonator)
..begat by Charlie (navvy)
..begat by Puncher (navvy)
..begat by Rolf (painter)
..begat by Whoyoulookinat (navvy)
..begat by Ghengis (tourism rep)




Lionel, Butch and Ghengis Pither.

"And there were those who did mock Pither's telling of the tale and did accuse him of being full of the shit which doth fall from the bottom of the bull but Pither did counter this. He did hold up his hands unto The Lord and cry in his anguish "Ok, I made up bits of it but the stuff about all the fucking navvies is all true!".
"And so to all let this be known. The seed of Pither doth grow in infertile ground and as the plant doth currently wither and fade it shall return unto that barren place without anyone being any the fucking wiser!
"Pither doth, however, toil on in the safe and certain knowledge that all flesh is grass and his span on this earth shall soon pass. Until that day when all shall become as one, that place where there is much weeping and gnashing of teeth, that kingdom of Grantham, shall not have him.

"Here endeth the lesson."