Taking The Wii-Wii

I know I’m old. I know I’m trapped in the 1960s and ‘70s. I know I’m a bit of a technophobe………………………..but what the buggery banana plants is this Wii business about?

The boffins can make carbon copies of mice and sheep, they found a way of travelling under the English Channel without getting wet, they’ve put men on the moon, they can beam information around the world in a millisecond, they even found a way of making George W Bush electable! With this kind of genius at humankind’s disposal, what has been its next giant leap

Well, a series of ads is currently running on TV which plugs this technological marvel.
It’s called Wii. Turns out that is not pronounced the same as a Geordie greeting but as “wee” – as in piss (as in piss-poor).

My favourite of these adverts has a group of four trendy, beautiful, metrosexual types in a lounge somewhere illustrating one particular use for this pisstoric invention. Yes, all those krillions of pounds, dollars and yen, all those years of development, all those brains, all those tears, all that heartache, all those discoveries, all that hard work has resulted in…………………a machine that lets you play air-guitar!

Gee, thanks! Forgive me while I marvel at what they can do these days. Fuck me! Air-bloody-guitar? For £40!! And £40 for a remote!! “

Ok, so you can play air-piano and air-drums and air-saxophone and probably air-comb-and-tissue but………..well……….so what!!?? The advert brilliantly illustrates the exact scale of the so-whattishness of the idea as it shows these four alleged adults standing in total silence, occasionally grinning inanely at each other while they watch a group of cheap, Jappo cartoon characters on the box playing a stylophone version of.....wait for it.......Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go!!! How fucking appropriate is that? If these dickheads invited me round for a party and I found it involved standing around in silence, pretending to play musical instruments, they’d definitely have to wake me up before I went home home in a taxi because I would have drunk myself unconscious unconscious on the settee.

I’ve said it before, and I have always thought I should have chosen it as the title of this Blog, but it’s the Emperor’s New Clothes all over again. Once again, I’m that little boy in the crowd shouting “this is all bollocks, you know?” while the masses rave about something they just shouldn’t rave about.

Wii can piss off to Grantham.