Help! - And Get Postcards From The Reg.

I have made up my mind, I need a holiday and I'm going to have one.
I always put off planning a holiday - I put off, put off, put off and put off until, guess what? I don't end up going anywhere. I haven't been "away" for two years and, prior to that, I used to holiday about one year in four. Well, I've learnt my lesson and this time I'm going to get my knickers into gear and sort something out.
One drawback to a Pither holiday has always been that I had to shell out about double the amount other people did for the same get-away. I have four dogs and WILL NOT PUT THEM IN KENNELS (after one horrendous experience) and so have to pay people to stay at the Towers to look after them. My last holiday was in Crete and it did, indeed, cost more to have the dogs house-sat for a fortnight than it did for me to fly and stay on the island.
Well, this year, thanks to a slight hiccup in the marital department, I will have to holiday alone but the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither will be on hand at the Towers to look after the menagerie (she has already been to Rome and Bali this year so guilt is not an issue).
The trouble is, I haven't been on holiday alone since I was in my 20s - and I'm not sure how it will work. Part of me is relishing the prospect of going where I want, doing what I want, when I want and how I want. Another part is conscious of the fact that a man in his mid-40s, alone in a foreign land, will look, at best, sad, and at worst, a paedophile or sex tourist.
So, where does the man who has nothing go on holiday alone? Being a bloke, lying on a beach all day just doesn't appeal to me. I am more of a scenery and things to explore kind of a chap. However, after such a shit year, I do fancy somewhere hot this time, if only because the pace of life in places like that tends to be slower and more relaxed. Sardinia appeals, as does Sicily (best cooks in the world!!) but I'm not sure.
I don't want to see any Union Jack shorts. Ideally, I don't want to come across anyone from Britain at all - or Germany or the USA or Australia etc. I want to eat superb food, drink good wine, relax in the evening by chatting to local people or taking myself off to some beautiful spot to read a good book and watch the sun go down.
I want somewhere where with history, somewhere with its own, distinct culture, where the Stock Exchange hasn't been heard of, where newspapers don't exist, where radios and televisions are outlawed and where all the women have enormous gazongas.
This is an appeal to all my cultured chums out there. Where do I go?