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Friday, 14 December 2007

Malc

I've got to write this before I forget. Oh, life just keeps giving you lines to make everything bearable.

I have been entertaining Malc tonight (he of 'The Edge of Nowhere' fame). Some of you might know him. He's my long-time chum who jacked in journalism to go and raise pigs on the Orkneys.
I love him like the bro I never had - actually, I have a brother but.......
Anyway, Mal Baby (for that is what he is known as to everyone he ever worked with) and I chewed the fat at Pither Towers for a while and then we adjourned to my nearest pub to continue our dissection of life's bitter ironies.
This was when, after the fifth pint, we fell to reminiscing. I coughed to the first lady to have enjoyed the pleasures of Pither's passion but then Malc followed that up with this memorable line:

"I first did IT with XXXXXX.
"She later went off to study zoology at Manchester University!

I had visions of her first day. "So, this is a hamster's penis and this is a man's penis? Are you sure? Only I know this bloke who........"

Bless him. He is my chum. He is a mad pig farmer but he IS the little brother I should always have had. Grantham shall not have him.
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5 comments:

fiwa said...

But did you get him to drink Vodka? I tried to help you there, but I think he caught on.

14 December 2007 at 04:19:00 GMT
Anonymous said...

You guys are both the cat's meow. I am glad you got to clock in some time. Did you convince him to drink vodka, after all??????

14 December 2007 at 05:42:00 GMT
Vicus Scurra said...

I know, I'll make some obscure comment about you posting the article twice, and then you can delete one and make me look like the embarrassing uncle that you never had.

14 December 2007 at 07:42:00 GMT
garfer said...

You must be really annoyed about Malc getting there first since you've posted twice about it.

No wonder he moved to Orkney. Better that than suffer your ire.

14 December 2007 at 12:37:00 GMT
fiwa said...

I think Malc got you back for the penis comment, he told us you were dancing around in a pinny in the kitchen, the thought of which I find highly entertaining. ;)

Hang in there - still sending good thoughts Pad's way.

lovins,
fiwa

14 December 2007 at 18:55:00 GMT

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WEDNESDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2007

SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1. From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).

Monday, 12 November 2007

Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.

....And On the Subject of Great Public Services

I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.

...There's More

On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!

Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!

Oh...........my............God!!!!! My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!

Tuesday, 18 September 2007.

I wish I'd sung this! For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can. (P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.) P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.

To Make You Laugh and Cry

I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons. On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.2
Mind: 4.1
Body: 2.7
Spirit: 8
Friends/Family: 1.6
Love: 0
Finance: 5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"

I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things

Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact. To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:

Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........

In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today. The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared. Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.

Life On The Edge - No Net.

I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal? Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having! Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting! Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.

The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?

Be honest........

Who fucking cares!!

IT'S THE QUIZ OF THE WEEK! JUST SCROLL DOWN AND HIT "FULL QUIZ".