No-one can be this dyslexic, surely?
So, the latest winner is a report out today which claims that 55 per cent of all schoolkids who fuck up their exams in primary school are suffering from undiagnosed dyslexia.
Wish they had invented dyslexia when I was a kid. Ok, it might not have been useful to me in my early years but after I went to Big School it sure would have come in handy when I fucked up my A-Levels. "Not my fault, sir. I'm dyslexic!"
No, we weren't allowed the excuse of being dyslexic when I was a kid. Children who, given a set of Naperian Logarithms, used to just make a paper hat out of them and then spend the rest of the test whistling the tune to Thunderbirds while trying to stuff a pencil up their nose were diagnosed differently.................they were said, purely and simply, to be thick!
I used to sit next to a lad in class who was a classic example of those afflicted by this seemingly forgotten condition. Greg, his name was. Greg was thick enough to fart gravel. The fact that he never did any work didn't help his situation. Also, his best pal at school was nicknamed Brick (as in "thick as a ..") and so he was never going to be much advanced by pressure from his peers.
Whereas most of us sat exams to judge how far we had advanced, Greg was just stood
alongside one of those evolution charts depicting a monkey at one end, Homo Erectus in the middle and a modern man at the other. I think when he left he had just passed the halfway mark.
Lord knows what he is doing now. I would hope he has managed to grasp the rudimentary use of cutlery. He may even be able to tie his own tie. Doubtless he is, consequently, working for the Government somewhere.
Where is all this leading? Oh yes, I remember now. It's that old "no-one's to blame for anything" syndrome again. Everyone has some sort of condition or ailment which accounts for their fuckwitedness or anti-social behaviour. Nothing is ever just down to them. Likewise academically, no-one is allowed to just be "thick" anymore.
I know dyslexia is a real condition. I know how much it can hamper the education and personal development of a person - God knows, I used to work for an outfit which specialised in helping dyslexics get their affliction identified and then provided them with help to cope with/overcome it. To suggest, however, that more than half of failing kids are dyslexic is a tad silly. That makes dyslexia the norm!
Bollocks to it. I'm too tired to round this off logically or sensibly. I've already sent the blameless society to Grantham so repetition will have to go as well.
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3 comments:
Two Dislexics working in a kitchen.
The first say's "Can you smell Gas?"
The second replies "I cant even smell my own name!!"
Anybody who thinks that there's no such thing as a thick kid should spend half an hour in our local shopping centre on any day of the week. I stood outside Gregg's and I could easily have hit twelve of the little buggers with a well aimed prawn and tomato sandwich. What's more, none of them would have noticed.
I have a solution to this problem, though. Deport all of our thickest youths to Australia. Both countries will then benefit from an instant increase in average IQ.
BGT
Your comments are sometimes as entertaining as your blog Reg!
I think you picked the perfect photos to depict "dyslexia" and "thick". Especially the first one!
We have a problem with "thick" here in the US too! It seems it's a spreading disease...very contagious and prevalent!
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