It's A Secret.

I'm starting to warm to Robert Mugabe. I think people are just being jolly nasty about him and should leave him alone.

Ok, so he's overseen the slaughter of thousands of his countrymen, ordered the maiming of countless others, put up the cost of a loaf of bread from 36p to £4,129,456,897.37p, created a police state, intimated and threatened the electorate, embezzled billions while the nation starves and stolen hundreds of farms while evicting their rightful owners...........but who can honestly say that as a youngster they didn't do the same kind of thing?

No, all of the above is just petty niggling from hyper-critical, namby pamby, pinko, Commie, lefty do-gooders. What these Guardian-reading types fail to mention is all the good Bob has done.
Bob is given absolutely no credit for his brilliant idea for ensuring political stability. When the airy-fairy, hoity toity, ok-yah, social worker-types demanded that he call a General Election he did just that. No-one could ever accuse him of not letting his people their say - but what happened then? He was only asked to tell everyone the result, that's all! Well, Johnny Noseypants, it's a secret - so there! I mean, for God's sake, if you call an election there is always a chance that you could lose - particularly if you've personally beaten up every one of the 13 million voters in the preceding years. What would be the point in telling everyone you've lost? It's political correctness (literally) gone mad.

Secondly, when Gordon Brown (notice you never see him and Robbie Coltrane in the same room at the same time) said the world was losing patience with him, he described the British PM as "a little, tiny dot" who could not speak for the world. Hurrah! Well said!! No-one in Britain takes a blind bit of notice of anything fatty says so why should the Zimbabweans?

Finally, Bob has banned all British journalists from his country. If only Brown had the balls to ban all British journalists from THIS country. Well done.

Admit it, you're still thinking about the bad stuff, aren't you? Ok, Bob had better go to Grantham.