Of Porky Pies, Bull and Bulimia

So, John Prescott reckons he used to suffer from bulimia, does he?

Well, I'm no dietician or clinical expert - as I'm sure you know - but my rudimentary knowledge of bulimia is that sufferers gorge themselves on vast quantities of any kind of foodstuff on which they can lay their spindly, grasping, grease-stained little mits..................and then make themselves throw it all up immediately afterwards.

I am more than willing to believe that the fornicating former Deputy Prime Minister had more than mastered the first part of the condition. Let's face it, the evidence is on show every time he waddles, walrus-like, out into the media spotlight. Where I think old Two Jags let himself down was in the vomiting stakes:
"Now chuck it all back up John, there's a good lad."
"No, shan't!"

This, I believe, made Prescott only halfway to being bulimic - sort of "bull", I suppose.

Now, I may be wrong (it has happened in the past) and if I am I look forward to Prezzer's name being entered in the Guinness Book of World Records as the planet's only 34-stone bulimic! After all, there are those out there who, in an effort to defend him, could point to the fact that he does indeed have a history of throwing up. Let's face it, the former "Mouth of the Humber" and militant Seamen's Union official was only too quick to throw up his Socialist principles, his union membership and his hands when he was offered snout-space in the trough along with the co-driver's seat on the Blair gravy train.

I still stick to my belief, however. In fact, I will go further and more accurately diagnose Prescott's former condition. I believe he was, and still is, suffering not so much from "bull" as from "bulimia by proxy", as in Munchausens Syndrome by proxy. You know, the illiterate old lardarse shovels as much biodegradable material in his gob as is physically possible and then, instead of being sick, he makes everyone he comes into contact with want to throw up.

No, Prescott can go to Grantham.