Oxygen - You Know It Makes Sense.

New Nivea Visage Oxygen helps women look younger, the manufacturers claim, because it contains 15 per cent oxygen.
Well, you can't argue with the logic. Oxygen definitely makes you look younger. Let's face it, without it you tend to take on a blueish tinge. Research has also shown that vacuums seriously harm your chances of attracting members of the opposite sex. Your opportunities to run barefoot along beaches in flowing, silk gowns - as all the bints on the adverts tend to do - are also seriously curtailed.
The people behind this latest method of extracting cash from the gullible and vain no doubt knock out this muck at about £30-a-tub - well they've got to replace all the mice, rats, guinea pigs, rabbits and beagles blinded or killed off in their experiments, haven't they? The trouble is, there is a slight flaw in their business plan. The miracle ingredient oxygen is also in another product already available and used by the sane to tend to their skin - it's called water. Two hydrogens for every one oxygen, if I remember rightly. That makes it 33.3 per cent oxygen, doesn't it?
Even doing fuck all is a better option. The air around us contains 21 per cent oxygen, apparently. Not only does it beat Nivea Visage Oxygen it's free (at the moment)!!
Not only can NVO go to Grantham, all cosmetics can follow it. God, my leg hurts!