New Nivea Visage Oxygen helps women look younger, the manufacturers claim, because it contains 15 per cent oxygen.
Well, you can't argue with the logic. Oxygen definitely makes you look younger. Let's face it, without it you tend to take on a blueish tinge. Research has also shown that vacuums seriously harm your chances of attracting members of the opposite sex. Your opportunities to run barefoot along beaches in flowing, silk gowns - as all the bints on the adverts tend to do - are also seriously curtailed.
The people behind this latest method of extracting cash from the gullible and vain no doubt knock out this muck at about £30-a-tub - well they've got to replace all the mice, rats, guinea pigs, rabbits and beagles blinded or killed off in their experiments, haven't they? The trouble is, there is a slight flaw in their business plan. The miracle ingredient oxygen is also in another product already available and used by the sane to tend to their skin - it's called water. Two hydrogens for every one oxygen, if I remember rightly. That makes it 33.3 per cent oxygen, doesn't it?
Even doing fuck all is a better option. The air around us contains 21 per cent oxygen, apparently. Not only does it beat Nivea Visage Oxygen it's free (at the moment)!!
Not only can NVO go to Grantham, all cosmetics can follow it. God, my leg hurts!
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3 comments:
I surmise that Betty has not been round with her moisturiser yet. Definitely not Nivea.
It's worse than you think, Reg. Water is indeed two hydrogens to every oxygen - but the atomic masses of these elements mean that's a bit like saying two peas to one Jersey mid.
With two hydrogens at a measly one atomic mass unit each to every oxygen at a whopping great sixteen atomic mass units, I believe that makes water 16/18 = 88.9% oxygen. It truly is the elixir of life and that should send the Nivea people straight back to the lab in search of something more marketable.
No wonder the water companies manage to make such gigantic profits out of us in such a fair and selfless manner. With a monopoly on this heaven sent compound, they could, if they so wished, really tap into our wallets in a big way. They must be saints to let us have it as cheaply as they do. Stock up while it lasts is my advice. It can only be a matter of time before we get forced to pay the true value of this luxury commodity.
BGT
Vicus,
Elizabeth is far too busy to come round here in a short, tight, revealing nurse's uniform and give me an all-over massage with baby oil and.......sorry, my mind was wandering a bit there. Anyway, I don't think even Nivea Oxygen can penetrate a plaster cast!
BGT,
I was, of course, only talking....erm....erm... empirically and not by-volume (he said, bullshitting hastily).
Water's not THAT good - never forget, fish fuck in it!
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