First of all, a message to everyone involved in advertising. If you have anything to do with this lying, amoral, pointless trade then please do not read on. I urge you - nay, I beg you - for all our sakes, take yourselves off to a darkened room, open a vein and then sit quietly until it's all over, for all of us.
For those of you left, what the fuck is the latest bastard Visa advert all about? This piece of publicly-aired pubic pus features a bloke jogging stark, bollock naked, except for his socks, from the middle of the desert, through a couple of trailer trash towns where he gains half a boiler suit, through some shite city where he swaps his grubby work gear for a proper suit, to the steps of a church where, having amazingly managed to have a shower, shave, haircut, make-over and pedicure somewhere on the pavement outside, he makes a dramatic entrance to join, we are led to believe, his bride-to-be at the altar - all of this to some mind-numbing dum-dum-dum dee-dee dum-dum-dummer soundtrack.
I say again - what the fuck is that all about? How, in the Holy name of Fuck, does this illustrate or promote the services of a corporation which invites you to borrow money at an exorbitant interest rate so that you end up divorced, in prison and with your children taken into care because you can't afford to pay it back? Perhaps if you ran the film backwards it would make more sense. You know, you see the man enjoying the happiest day of his life, wedding his sweetheart in church, and then, on discovering Visa and how to get into debt, he is forced to move further and further out of the city and into less expensive areas as his bills mount until he loses his job as a fucking women's hairdresser or ponce or whatever it is we are supposed to think he started off as and ends up as a grease monkey in a succession of poverty stricken, one-horse towns until he loses that job as well, gambles away the last remnants of his clothes (apart from his socks) to make yet another "minimum payment" and finally, filthy dirty, exhausted and without hope (but with socks), he takes himself off into the desert to die a sad, pathetic, lonely and agonising death from heat stroke, starvation and exhaustion.
Back in adworld, why choose a flasher who lives in the desert to plug your tawdry product in the first place? If I wanted to con the public into believing that they actually needed the festering, vaginal discharge which is Visa I could think of someone better to front up my adverts - The Devil, perhaps? Pol Pot? Hitler? Jim Davidson? Whichever "face of" Visa I plumped for I would, however, expect them to be fully clothed and live nextdoor to some trendies and not a few scorpions, a rock and a lizard.
Secondly, I would like to give the impression that my "face of" creature had at least a modicum of intelligence. Just in case it hadn't occurred to you, that would not include some twat who is so terminally thick that, instead of sliding his credit card out of his bum crack (the only place I believe he would have been able to carry one) and booking a bus ticket to get to church, he runs totally naked for 50 miles in testicle-exploding temperatures to keep his date with destiny.
Thirdly, are we supposed to be so blind to this idiot's idiocy that we are expected not to think any less of him because he has apparently forgotten it's his wedding day, let alone that he might need to be dressed to attend the ceremony and sort out a way of getting from his fucking rock in the desert to the church? Forgetting your house keys as you close that front door behind you is excusable. Forgetting someone's birthday is something which happens to us all - but forgetting you're getting married and that you're stark bollock naked is pushing the bounds of credibility a little far.
Finally, are they seriously trying to tell us that by carrying a Visa card you are immune to prosecution for indecent exposure? "Bollocks out in public? Oh yes, Visa - that'll do nicely!" I think not.
No, it's advertisers again. The entire business consists of no-brained wankers with no concept of anything in life, the universe or anything except for money and themselves who draw on the "skills" of fuckwit arts graduates who do not earn enough money from their life's work - which involves them labouring to create "modern art" in the guise of some voles soaked in kerosene stuck on the top of old bikes - and so dream up equally meaningless, pretentious pap to impress their brain-dead employers who are so easily impressed in the first place that they think Teasmades are "really neat".
Fuck 'em. Advertising (AGAIN!!) and Visa - and THAT fucking advert - can go to Grantham.
Badap-bap-bwaw muthafuckas…
5 days ago
18 comments:
Honestly! Can't a chap make a pound or two without some lefty getting all upset?
Hi reg
found a load of blogs by coppers
are you sure u ain't joined the force
I know, but I’m not about to tell you.
I work in an area with a population of around 140000 people, most of whom keep themselves to themselves, lock their doors at night, don’t leave their Sat-Nav on the dashboard when they park in town and can have a quiet drink without wanting to fight the world.
There are however, a significant number of people for whom life wouldn’t be the same without the constant support of their local police. They need us to tell their new boyfriend’s ex girlfriend to stop sending abusive text messages - why they gave this person their mobile number in the first place is a question that never gets answered. They need us to sort out years and years of domestic abuse with a ten minute visit at 4 in the morning, but they don’t want him arrested “cos I luv ‘im”.
I won’t be telling you about the details of these people, because it would spoil the surprise when they get on the Jeremy Kyle show and it might identify me.
http://stanstill.wordpress.com
But if we didn't have advertising, how would we know what to buy?
I hadn't seen this commercial yet. I found it on YouTube and watched. It is insanely stupid! I'm glad you're policing such drivel!
P.S. Rosie sends a big hug!
Great rant, Reg. I suspect the guy was starkers in the desert because he was left there by his "mates" on his stag night, but as I'm not a "young person" any more I can't be sure of this. Of course, the advertisers have won - in exactly the same way as modern "artists" have "won" - in that they made people (i.e. you) take notice of this advert. Except we know they're wrong, and we'll still sit at home looking at advert-free BBC2 and at our reproductions of Constable paintings on our living-room walls and know that quality still matters and that we are the better men. Here's to us! :-)
I'm surprised that you are a proponent of nannyism. Those who don't take responsibility for any debt on a credit card that no-one has forced them to take out should go to Grantham.
Ziggi,
Ignoring for the moment your holier than thou comment - you're not a fucking Tory by any chance? - some people are forced into situations where they have to borrow money. Not in horse-riding Toryland, I know, but elsewhere in the real world. When their only choice is 17 per cent interest then that is obscene.
Perhaps he had been on the mother of all stag nights?
Hi Reg
You're 80% right. Although the rate of personal debt in this hocked up cuntry might be viewed as evidence of a Mephistophelian pact between the evil and the stupid, on balance I despise the way these parasites bombard me with junk mail, trying to tempt me to buy shit I don't need, with money I haven't got.
I think ziggi = Tory, for certain. Good call, Pither.
I'm sure many of your American readers are familiar with the main political parties over here, but for those who aren't, I shall point out that a Tory over here would be a Republican over there. Of course, you could avoid any transatlantic confusion on this issue simply by using the catch-all term "dumb fuck" for anyone on that side of the political spectrum.
BGT
Oh but my advert is better, makes complete sense, and has definitely convinced me that I need new glasses.
I remember not understanding the Visa ad at all. Also, the new Cadbury Advert is just an embarrassment - no drumming gorillas? What were they thinking? The Dominos steak pizza ad., however, is sheer genius.
I watch too much TV.
Goodbye.
you know, sometimes when i come here, you seem kind of....upset.
Yeah. And bear in mind Reg that Tories are subject to same incidious media influences as we clear-eyed socialists are. And that plenty of skint-but-ambitious working-class people vote Conservative. But your rant was still an excellent one!
posts like that are worth coming back for!!! loving it!
holier than thou? - couldn't even get close - I firmly intend to burn in hell for my sins which I admit include working for a living, paying my way and not buying things I can't afford. Stupid, or what was it . . . ? dumb-fuck that's me :)
Top Cat here
Grantham would be a better place if we got rid of the foriegners and also the silly twats that fuck up the town even more
Top Cat again
people on push bikes never get any praise in grantham. why? i'm a regular cyclist in town and i let people past in cars, on bikes, in vans and lorries and even on the pavement in the park and no fucker is pleased about it what the fuck?
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