Saint Or Sinner?

Well, that was fun! Lucky pants, lucky shoes and lucky shirt.....all to no avail. It was indeed a bridge too far - but still an exciting game and surely the best rugby World Cup tournament to date. Summat to be proud of at last.
I watched the game at the best pub in the world and a good time was had by all, regardless of the result. In true Birdwatcher fashion, however, I found myself double booked and so at 10pm had to decamp and make a beeline for another pub for a reunion of hacks from a paper I used to work on 13 years ago. There was a late bar in an upstairs room and so the levels were never in danger of dropping too dramatically.
Anyway, I had been there about five minutes and was still in full "Good God! I thought you were dead!!" greetings mode when an attractive woman sidled over to me to say hello. "Hi!" I said, effusively, "How's things?" "I'm fine," she said, "considering you stood me up."
"Yes, well, I'm glad to hear.........what??!?!!"
"You stood me up."
"I'm afraid I don't....I mean....I can't....I mean....what??!?"
"You arranged to meet me in town for a coffee but you never showed up."
"Lord! Sorry about that. Still, time's a great healer, isn't it?"
Jesus!! The smell of boiling rabbit was beginning to fill the air. Was she armed? I was praying the cutlery for the buffet was plastic. After all, I'd left the paper 13 bloody years ago! If that had been the only thing on her mind over the ensuing time then I had a Meryl Streep situation on my hands. It got worse....
"Sorry for asking. I mean, my memory's not what it was, but....well....when exactly was this?"
"1977."
OH FUCK!! OH HOLY JESUS!! SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE!!! I was fucking 17 in 1977! What was going on? Then the mists started to clear. It turned out that she used to hang around with a crowd I did when I was a teenager. She was, as I remember, a quiet, pleasant, pretty little lass but I didn't recall ever trying to ruin her life with the "fancy a coffee some time" prelude to an assault on the north face of her pants.
"Why didn't you show up?" she persisted, alarmingly.
I panicked. I resorted to the old standby - make 'em laugh.
"I don't like coffee," I said.
Not the best gambit I could have chosen, it turned out.
"Then why did you ask me to go for one?"
And some fell on stony ground. Time for Plan B.
"Would you like a sausage roll?"
"No. I waited for two hours."
"Oh, I can get one much quicker than that. They're only over there."
"I forgave you, though."
Thank fuck for that!!
"Goodo. Can I get you a drink? Not a coffee, obviously."
We fell to chatting properly and it turned out that that she was living in Cyprus, had a little one but her significant other had buggered off......I was dying to say "did he nip out for a coffee and just not come back?" but managed to bite my lip in time.
A nice lass - as she always was - but not great on things to say when you haven't seen someone for 13 years.
"I'm stopping at a hotel in town," she said as the night neared its end. "Would you like a nightcap?"
Those two little men suddenly climbed onto my shoulders. You know?......
The little white one with the harp and wings saying "No, no! It's just mindless, meaningless sex without feeling or involvement. You are a beast. Don't even think about it. You are an awful man. You're taking advantage. Haven't you done enough to ruin this poor girl's life? Be a gentleman. Take her back in a taxi and just give her a peck on the cheek goodnight."
Then there was the little red one with the pointy tale and the horns saying "Go on! Fuck her brains out!! Of course it's mindless, meaningless sex without feeling or involvement. That's why you should dip your wick. She's lonely and awash with nostalgia. Her pants are hanging by a thread. You know you want to. Go on!!! Do it!!!!!"
I shall leave the story there. I am too much of either a) a gentleman or b) a sexual inadequate to say more.