Jingle Bells.....................and Teachers and Gordon's and Smirnoff and..

Please read this very quietly - and try not to make a noise with your chair. My head hurts...................LOTS!!!
It was THE Christmas party last night - for the sports desk on one of the paper's I used to work for. Oh....my.....God! When will I ever learn?
By 2am today I could best be described as a sophisticated organic machine for turning booze into urine.
This morning..............LATE THIS MORNING........I awoke with the feeling that something unpleasant had died and begun rotting away inside my mouth. I could actually hear my pupils contracting. Even my hair ached! Then came that oh so familiar, dawning realisation of what had happened the night before. You know how it goes. Pieces of memory start dovetailing together like a cerebral jigsaw puzzle - perhaps those little comments about a former colleague's wife which seemed funny at the time were not quite so amusing after all, why did I have to sing "Ernie, The Fastest Milkman in the West" AGAIN and did I really tell the radical feminist lesbian features editor that she had "big tits for a vegetarian"?. I want to die!
No more to say. Sod Grantham. Just leave me alone.