I Know I'm Paranoid But - They Really Are Out To Get Me

I am going to suspend my self-imposed no-swearing-from-now-on rule for the following.
Fucking Hell!! This makes me so mad!!!
Ok, file the following under "H" for "Haven't They Got Anything Better To Do?"
The landlord of the pub just down the road from me told me that last night, at about 7pm, two little old ladies wandered into his hostelry. He said they were apparently in their 60s, blue-rinsed, with granny-style overcoats and clutching the sort of little handbags only grannies carry and they proceeded to mooch around the pub, searching out all the nooks and crannies. After about 15 minutes they headed for the front door, apparently intent on leaving, whereupon the landlord pounced on them in the hope of flogging them something, if only his dodgy chicken and chips.
They turned to him and said: "Oh, it's all right, deary. We're being paid by the council. We were just here to check that you didn't have any ashtrays out and no-one was smoking."
Can you fucking believe that!!!! The fucking council round here has recruited the fucking Snoop Sisters and various other bleedin' pensioners to crack down on the biggest single threat to face this country since Hitler dreamed up Operation Sealion.
First of all, it's nice to know where your fucking council tax is going. Secondly, have they got an army of coffin-dodgers out there checking that your dog never craps in public, no-one tosses a used burger box into the street or your catalytic converter is working properly and not poisoning us all to death? I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO!!!!

Don't get me wrong. I'm a 40-a-day man and I desperately want to quit - and I will. What gets me is the holier than thou attitude of these bastard health Nazis who are out of control now. They don't fucking care about what THEY are doing to pollute the world. If there was one rule for all across the board then it would be easier to swallow - but there isn't!!
As to recruiting Bible-crammers to catch out illicit smokers, what are they going to do if they find some 19-stone thug pulling on a tab? Do me a favour.
Fuck 'em, fuck 'em all. I've sent them before but the fucking "holier than thou" bastard health Nazis - who aren't bothered about the shite poured out of their cars' exhausts or the rubbish dropped by their brats, or the drain on the public purse which their spawn represent - can go to Grantham.