Ernie Jackson, the LEAST famous of the Jackson brothers.
I am, I confess, somewhat of a valetudinarian but for the last few days I have had good reason to be concerned about my health......because I've been ill!
My spirits have, consequently, been pretty low but they always say there is someone worse off than yourself and evidence of that fact came to light today which has cheered me slightly.
I was listening to a Parkinson interview with Sir Dicky Attenborough, which I had taped, when the beardy little luvvie (a genuinely nice chap, by the way) made mention of his "brothers". First of all, there was "Dave", he said. I had to smile at the older brother's use of the diminutive which just didn't seem to fit the god-like being behind Life on Earth, The Blue Planet and Pither's love of the natural world. Then Dicky said he had another brother - John.
My mind immediately wandered off the interview and I began imagining what it must be like to be John Attenborough - the LEAST famous of the Attenborough brothers. Poor sod! A documentary on the wireless this evening then turned my attentions to surely the most unfortunate sibling in the history of humankind........James!
While waving a cheery goodbye to my devoutly Christian readers (see ya' Frank!), I will point out to anyone who doesn't already know that James is widely believed to have been Jesus's brother. How bad is that? What a bummer!!!
What must life have been like for a man who grew up having Jesus as a brother? Parties must have been a nightmare!
"Greetings. I am Jacob, begat of Jonathan, begat of Esaw, begat of Bathbellbetumin, he who purveyeth mysticals balms, ointments and developeth films in 24 hours."
"All right, mate. I'm Jim."
"Hail Jim! May your grapes grow juicy and round, although not those up your bottom."
"Cheers. Wanna drink?"
"A little wine for my soul's sake. So, Jim, how do you manage to render unto Caesar what is Caesar's?"
"Yer what?"
"What do you do for a living?"
"Oh! I'm accountant for a small carpentry business."
"Truly an honest calling. Tell me, have you come to this place of wine and plenty alone?"
"Nah! I'm with our kid."
"Pray tell, where is this 'kid' of whom you speak?"
"He's over there, turning the contents of the swimming pool into Chateau Lafitte."
"A miracle!!"
"Yeah! Flash get! He does a lot of that."
"I notice that thy 'kid' doth stand on the waters of the pool and not on the side."
"Oh arr. That's another of his party pieces. If you hang around he'll 'ave a go at the buffet later - there'll be bleedin' loads by the time 'e's finished with it.
"And what doseth thy kid do, for to bring bounty unto thy house?"
"He's the Blessed One. You know? The son of God. He is the saviour of mankind. He has come to purge us all of our sins."
"And that's his job, is it?"
"Yup. Course, If I'd passed me 11-Plus I........."
"....and you say you're an accountant?"
"Yup."
"Do you mind if I go and talk to that other man over there?"
Being an atheist I am tempted to go on but, being also a bet hedger, I think I better stop there......and before I am smoteth from above and cast down into the eternal fires of Hell, there's nothing for Grantham - apart from illness.
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10 comments:
You could always pray for some burning bush...
Ahmen to that, my child!
the photo of the missing Jackson brother reminds me of that scene from Far From The Madding Crowd where the sheep have all eaten something that has made their stomachs bloat up with gas and someone stuck something into the stomachs of the sheep to let the gas out before they all exploded
I think it was Far From The Madding Crowd anyhow
(sorry not to have made a more valid contribution to the debate)
ILTV,
Yes, it WAS Far From the Madding Crowd. My O-Level set text, would you believe? (he'd only just finished writing it then!!)
I always empathised with Gabriel Oak although when it came to sheep bloat I think he was wrong - I would have got a man in. Anyway, they all ran off the edge of a cliff in the end anyway so he wasted his time.
I am afraid you have been reading a very poor translation of the New Testament. As every schoolboy knows, James was the younger brother of Jesus, (remember, Mary was a virgin prior to the birth of JC? Duh!), and therefore James was unlikely to refer to Jesus as "Our kid", this term usually being reserved for describing a younger sibling. The Gospel according to Gordon clearly states that James referred to his big brother as "old clever bollocks", in a surly and snearing manner, clearly untouched by the divine atmosphere that had pervaded his childhood home. Joseph was equally unimpressed, not surprisingly, resenting JC's father. "Another pigging article in the Nazareth Star about him and the sodding lepers", was a frequent complaint.
I hope that this helps.
The one that I feel sorry for was Mavis Stalin, who devoted her life to helping the poor and undereducated, and was constantly derided by those who found her brother's politics not to their taste.
This is the problem with quoting varying translations of 2,000-year-old texts. You see, the University of California version of the Gospel According to Kevin which is in my possession quotes Joseph's most frequent complaint was: "Immaculate conception! Immaculate bloody conception!! Bollocks!!! It was that night when I was at the Stable Makers' Conference, wasn't it? Who is he, woman? I'll rip his bloody 'ead off!"
Whats wrong with being an accountant? I am frequently mistaken for being an accountant and I consider it a compliment. In fact it makes my day when it happens.
Hope your feeling better.
mine was Romeo and Juliette! that explains a lot, doesn't it. . .
;-p
Hee hee! I like the buffet bit :D
Holland football legend Marco van Basten's older brother is called Stanley. True.
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