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Thursday 30 November 2006

Playing Footsie - With People's Lives!

Buy, buy, buy - bye, bye!

When I was alive, many years ago, the Financial Times Ordinary Share Index - the FTSE, or "Footsie" as it is known colloquially - was only ever mentioned, incredibly briefly, at the end of a newscast. A meaningless figure which was either up, down, or unchanged. That was that. No further mention. Who cared? We imagined it must be of some interest to a handful of bowler-hatted, pinstripe-suited pillocks in Esher or somewhere similar but it did not trouble the rest of us.
That other colloqialsim, "The City", only got an airing in Ealing-style comedy films where an army of said bowler-hatted and pinstripe-suited clones were portrayed, marching in line to their train to get into central London, a la The Rebel. They were there to be parodied, after all, and so they were.
My God, how that has changed. Every other bloody programme is either a "business" one or contains more "business" information than a female virgin should contain semen. That is bad enough but how do these "business" types react to news which actually concerns the rest of us? In exactly the opposite way to the way we do, that's how. For instance, you often hear exchanges on these programmes along the lines of "Well, Nigel, good news for ArcherNazi Inc. They've just made 48,398 work clones redundant, on the scrapheap, penniless, without the prospect of a decent future for either themselves or their families, so the stock has soared. Up 9.45609872 points by the close of play today. Great, super, wonderful." Similarly, you might hear "Bad news for Upthestackyougoshithead PLC. They've just lost an industrial tribunal against a 4-year-old urchin who claimed constructive dismissal because be died after being forcibly rammed up a chimney in Bolton and starved to death. Their value is down 9.45609872 points on the 'Footsie' today."
What is going on? This parallel universe seems to be accepted. This bloody Blue Peter-style appealprogress-ometer goes up and down like Michael Jackson's bottom in a creche. Misery for the masses = "Up ya' go, index." Piffling but totally justified gain for the work clones and customers = "See ya' in Hell, nomarks."
This "Footsie" business is just a gigantic bloody boardgame for those all-too-many wankers out there whose only interest in life is money. You know, the types who say "I left school at 3 with only a green swimming badge as a qualification but was a 'miwionairre' by the time I was 8. No, as it happens, I haven't got 2 fucking braincells to rub together and I do know the cost of everything and the value of nothing, as it 'appens, but who cares? Sod the rest of you"?
This "game" costs people their livelihoods, their happiness, their security, sometimes their lives - and that is all it is, A FUCKING GAME!!! When you get onto top table you can up the stakes by buying things which don't exist or by betting on whether people will feel "confident" about something in three years' time. You end up with the obscenity of some braindead kid from some Home Counties grief hole playing with millions of millions of pounds in the Far East as though it was a fruit machine and then "tilt" flashes up, he loses the lot and the whole thing comes tumbling down.
I want Grantham to be listed on the Stock Exchange. When residents joyously celebrate the birth of offspring the future of the whole town is thrown into jeopardy and the prospect of a take-over and asset strip looms large by those venture capitalists in Boston. When there is a mass cull of the populace and everyone is thrown on the dole then the future of the place is safeguarded.

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WEDNESDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2007

SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1. From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).

Monday, 12 November 2007

Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.

....And On the Subject of Great Public Services

I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.

...There's More

On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!

Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!

Oh...........my............God!!!!! My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!

Tuesday, 18 September 2007.

I wish I'd sung this! For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can. (P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.) P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.

To Make You Laugh and Cry

I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons. On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.2
Mind: 4.1
Body: 2.7
Spirit: 8
Friends/Family: 1.6
Love: 0
Finance: 5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"

I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things

Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact. To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:

Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........

In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today. The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared. Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.

Life On The Edge - No Net.

I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal? Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having! Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting! Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.

The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?

Be honest........

IT'S THE QUIZ OF THE WEEK! JUST SCROLL DOWN AND HIT "FULL QUIZ".