You, Me and Our Aunty

My thanks go to the BGT for pointing out this little conundrum.

The great man roared at a story which hit the headlines today and which reminded me of the great Colin Bomber Harris, the man who wrestled himself in a Monty Python skit.

So, what has occurred? Well................."Record Fine Over BBC's Phone-Ins!!" screamed the headline. "Quite right too!" belched the idiot British public. "That'll learn 'em. They won't do that again in a hurry."

The "occurrance" is that the beloved British Broadcasting Corporation (known affectionately, for my overseas reader, as "Aunty Beeb") has been fined £400,000 by media watchdog Ofcom for misleading its audiences by faking phone-ins. In short, viewers were urged to phone some premium rate competition phone lines when winners had already been selected while some shows were pre-recorded and so no-one could win competitions which were supposedly "live".
The offending shows (pun intended) included the Comic Relief, Children in Need and Sport Relief TV shows, Liz Kershaw's offerings on 6 Music and Jo Whiley's Radio 1 show.

Hmmm! Let's examine this a little more closely, shall we? So, the BBC (that is to say "us", as we are the taxpayers who fund the organisation) has been ordered by a quango set up by the Government (i.e. "us", as we elected it and the money it has is ours because we pay taxes) to pay £400,000 to state funds (otherwise known as "us", as explained previously) for the corrupt actions of a bunch of dickheads employed by "us".
Call me Mr Picky, if you like, but shouldn't the headline have read "We Order Ourselves To Pay Us £400,000 For the Fraudulent Actions Of People We Employ"? Not quite as catchy, I'll grant you, but at least it's a little more accurate.

Watchdogs, eh? Don't ya just love 'em? Here's an idea, Ofcom. Instead of these wankers trying to rip people off and then expecting us to fine ourselves and pay ourselves a lot of money so that they won't do it again, why don't you actually take punitive action against the "people" who perpetrated this scam, or at least were the faces of the shows during which it was perpetrated?
Why not publicly hang Terry fucking Wogan? Wouldn't Jonathan Ross look nicer in a chair which has straps on it and is plugged into a mains supply? Why not deport Lenny Henry to Alabama after first tattooing him on the head with a simple "I hate whitey"? Perhaps we could order Seb Coe to....to....to....to just go and fuck himself! As for Liz Kershaw and Jo Whiley, Christ knows! There is no punishment in Hades adequate for the pair of them. Perhaps they should just be ordered to listen to each other's radio show all day, every day, for the rest of their disgusting, futile, purulent, lager-stained, vomit-inducing, stinking lives!

Harsh?...........Maybe, but fair.

Ofcom can go to Grantham.