Finland, Finland, Finland.........!

I’ve just seen Finland’s ambassador to the UK on the TV news. He was wobbling on about his countryman Marti Ahtisaari who was today awarded the 2008 Nobel Peace Prize.

I’m ashamed to say that my eyes glazed over because, excellent though Mr Ahtisaari’s efforts have been over the years in resolving international conflicts, the ins and outs of professional diplomacy do not really get my pulse racing. Also, bearing in mind the mindless dickhead who is Al Gore won the same honour last year, I think the Nobel Peace Prize ain't what it used to be.

No, as my eyelids fell heavy and my mind began to wander, my thoughts turned to the ambassador – one Pekka Lintu. Finland’s ambassador to the UK, eh? How cushy a number is that? I mean, what dealings do we have with Finland, exactly? I’m sure Fins flee the perpetual dark of their homeland in their thousands each year and wash up in Blighty on their hols but I don’t recall any of them hitting the headlines or sparking international incidents. Doubtless there must have been the odd cove who lost his Tube ticket and there must have been a couple who moaned about the absence of smoked herring in Basingstoke but apart from that? What exactly did the ambassador have to do?

All the visa applications are dealt with by a team of work drones. Someone in the embassy has been appointed to tell callers the opening times of Madame Tussaud’s. There is also a dedicated enquiries desk to explain why all the trains are late or cancelled and the supermarket staff are surly and on drugs. What is left for old Pekka to do? Well, there are a lot of gala luncheons, state dinners and dates at the Palace to attend and then there’s all that being driven around in a large car and looking important.

Anyway, what if there was a major incident which threatened Britain’s relationships with Finland? Oh no!! Diplomatic relations would be severed and then……oh God, no!.....trade would cease. Where the Hell would we get all our pickled herring from? Who else could supply us with……with……with…...Finnish tourists! I can't imagine any scenario which would keep Pekka up (at night, that is). I imagine his response to even the most serious diplomatic incident would be: "Yeah, well, whatcha gunna do?"

Such is Pekka’s high profile in the world of international diplomacy that I have been unable to find a clear photo of him ANYWHERE!

Anyway, here’s to Pekka and all the other people out there with brilliant jobs. Can I have one, please?