........And Back To The Studio.

Further to my last post about the total collapse in the standards of news reporting, I have just watched the television news and one item illustrated perfectly just how appalling things have become.

The fluffy newsreader said to camera that four people had died in a bomb explosion on the outskirts of Baghdad - she didn't say WHEN this had happened but we had to assume it was today. I can't remember verbatim what was said next, and forgive me if I indulge myself a tad to help illustrate the point, but it went something like this:
Fluffy: "We can now go over live to Baghdad and our on-the-spot correspondent, Nigel Snetterton-Halfwit. Nigel, what exactly has happened over there?"

A pimply, horse-faced youth, bedecked in his brand new Battle-Zone-Reporter-At-C&A outfit and standing in a road - with his hotel just visible in the background - appeared on the screen looking grave.
NSH: "Well, Fiona, I talk to you today from a city living in fear, a city in the grip of violence, where nightmares stalk the streets, where the hand of fate is on the shoulders of the residents, where the big hand of doom is ticking inexorably towards the high noon of destiny, where........................."
Fluffy: "Can I just interrupt Nigel? What exactly is the situation on the ground?"
NSH: "Well, Fiona, details are sketchy at the moment" (ed. This means 'I know fuck all! I was in the fucking bar playing cards when we heard it on the radio'.) "but what I can tell you is that there has been an explosion."
Fluffy: "What kind of explosion?"
NSH: "Well it was very loud and sources I have spoken to say it probably shook windows nearby. I can also tell you that the explosion has claimed the lives of four people. It happened in an area the Army is calling the outskirts of Baghdad."
Fluffy: "Has anyone claimed responsibility for the bombing?"
NSH: "Well, Fiona, I can tell you that as of this moment in time, as I speak to you, there has, as yet and up to now, been no-one available to tell us if anyone has claimed responsibility."
Fluffy: "Who do the security forces suspect was behind the blast?"
NSH: "Nobody knows at all, apparently, according to the Army press office, but what I can tell you, Fiona, is that speculation is rife here that it may possibly have been someone who was unhappy about something.......or it could have just been a faulty gas tap."
Fluffy: "What was the intention of the bombers?"
NSH: "Well, no-one knows but what I can tell you, Fiona, is that, as I speak to you now, that is not quite true because the bombers will certainly be able to answer that question but we, as I said in my earlier bulletin, at this current moment in time, haven't been given a press release about it."
Fluffy: "What is the atmosphere like there?"
NSH: "Well, what I can tell you Fiona is that it is hot here in Baghdad. Very hot. Informed sources have told us that, for a moment at least, it would have been even hotter at the scene of the blast. But I can certainly confirm the overall hotness of the situation. I might also add that this is a city in the grip of heat, the heat of destiny, where the very furnace of Hell is inexorably engulfing............
Fluffy: "Nigel, sorry to butt in at this point, but do we know anything about the four people killed in the explosion?"
NSH: "Details are sketchy at the moment, Fiona, and that is very difficult to answer, Fiona." (ed. No it fucking isn't! Just get your spotty arse over to the fucking scene and start asking a few people!) "I can confirm that all four people killed by the suspected bomb, or gas leak, or something, are in fact dead. What I can also tell you is that there were four of them and sources I have been talking to tell me that they were either soldiers, insurgents or innocent civilians."
Fluffy: "Could they be British soldiers?"
NSH: "Well Fiona, that, of course, is the nightmare scenario and one we all dread, and it is highly likely they were some of our brave lads, even though the British don't serve anywhere in Baghdad, are in the south of the country, and this wild speculation can only serve to upset people at home and get me an award."
Fluffy: "How are the people of Baghdad reacting to this latest atrocity?"
NSH: "Well, I can't say" (ed. Yes you fucking can! Fucking ask some!) "but what I can say is the people in our hotel didn't look very happy this morning. My poached salmon was over cooked at breakfast and our lunchtime Chablis had hardly been chilled at all and so, informed sources have told me, it is possible that the staff were not very happy, but that could just be because they spend all day running around after us. I must reiterate at this moment in time, however, Fiona, that currently, as I speak, this is just speculation at the moment."
Fluffy: "Nigel Snetterton-Halfwit, thank you and be safe."
NSH: "Hello? Hello?.........."
Wanky reporters who don't know what they are doing and care even less, it's off to Grantham with you.