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Tuesday 2 October 2007

The Light Keeps Going Off In My Fishtank.


The chaps, pictured in one of their fleetingly enlightened times.


I know the title of this post sounds like a country and western song but that's just a coincidence. The light really does keep going off in my fishtank - well, one of the tanks, anyway.
Not a big problem, you might think? It could be. I'm worried about the consequences. You see fishies are strange coves. They kinda live their lives around lightness and darkness - much more so than we do. To a fish, inky black means no more "Ooh, here's a glass wall! Ooh, fancy that, here's another glass wall!! Ooh, this glass wall wasn't here yesterday, I'd swear?" It also means it's piscine bobos time. Light, on the other hand, means it's time again to meet the other fish in the tank you are certain weren't there yesterday, to have a bit of a swim and then look forward to dinner. Muck around with these divisions and you're asking for a tropical storm.
The trouble with the light being on the blink - literally - is that it's confusing the chaps no end. No sooner have they stretched their fins to supposedly greet a new swimming day than "ping!" - it's time for bed again. Then, just when they've got their Jaws jimmy jams on, the photo alarm goes off and they've got to get up again. I'm not sure if it's possible for fish to have nervous breakdowns but I'm sure mine are heading that way.
I've bought no end of bulbs and transformery/switch thingies but I can't seem to solve the problem. I'm damned if I'm going to splash out more - my local fish doctor is already a millionaire thanks to me. So, I'm on the lookout for suggestions.
Anyway, I'm going out for a beer with my chums now but, in the meantime, all help will be gratefully received. Try not to worry too much about it, though.

3 comments:

Doris said...

Your poor fishies. This strobe effect lighting can't be good for the epileptic ones.

The Birdwatcher said...

Perhaps they will think that they are at a very cheap disco.

I, Like The View said...

am I supposed to turn the light in the fish tank on then?

(I did read this the other day, but I wasn't feeling well. . .)

WEDNESDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2007

SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1. From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).

Monday, 12 November 2007

Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.

....And On the Subject of Great Public Services

I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.

...There's More

On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!

Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!

Oh...........my............God!!!!! My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!

Tuesday, 18 September 2007.

I wish I'd sung this! For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can. (P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.) P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.

To Make You Laugh and Cry

I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons. On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.2
Mind: 4.1
Body: 2.7
Spirit: 8
Friends/Family: 1.6
Love: 0
Finance: 5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"

I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things

Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact. To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:

Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........

In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today. The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared. Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.

Life On The Edge - No Net.

I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal? Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having! Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting! Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.

The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?

Be honest........

IT'S THE QUIZ OF THE WEEK! JUST SCROLL DOWN AND HIT "FULL QUIZ".