The Road to Grantham Piers! (I'll Even Drive You There).

"Piers Morgan - Why?" That should be an A-Level question for the country's millions of soon-to-be A*-graded sixth-formers, along with those other toughies they have to face such as "spell your name in block capitals".
I have just read a feature written by the former Mirror editor. Ok, I'll get my confession out of the way first. The article was in the Daily Mail. I know, I know, but it was the only thing to read in the greasy spoon where I was wolfing down a cholesterol special. I satisfied my conscience by knowing I had not paid for the Nazi rag and that I shall, at a later date, scrub my eyeballs and cut off my hands to remove all trace of it. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, Piers Morgan's stunning article. It was all about his in-depth knowledge of youthful, popular music combo Take That and its rise, fall and rise again (it is apparently topping the gramophone charts, minus original member Robert Williams).
The banner headline was words to the effect of "Why Robbie Hates Me (and Why the Feeling's Mutual)" - despite saying specifically in the piece that he did NOT hate "Robbie". Morgan claimed to have made Take That famous by plugging the band in his then showbusiness column in The Sun. He then droned on and on about how Robbie Williams is basically a shit and the other members are angels. Now, don't get me wrong, I know little or nothing about Mr Williams and the other coves. They matter to me about as much as a badger's fart in the woods. I'm sure they're good to their mothers (by not going home), wash behind their ears and just want world peace. It's Morgan who makes me want to upchuck in my shorts!
This tit is former editor of the supposedly pro-Labour Mirror and he writes for an ultra-right-wing toilet tabloid. Under his editorship, the Mirror constantly sniped at and looked down its nose at The Sun (pots and kettles?) and yet that was where he used to work and where he got his name known. He was sacked from the Mirror for abject fuckwittedness and yet still has the nerve to tout himself around like a media whore.
He describes a Robbie Williams autobiography in the article as "unrelenting narcissism" - that's kinda what autobiographies are, isn't it? Besides, for Morgan to accuse anyone of narcissism is a bit rich. This git is totally obsessed with himself and insists that we all have to hear his views on anything and everything. How many times does he appear on telly spouting off about one thing or another? Who cares what he fucking thinks, if he even does?
Oh, the point of his bloody feature? Yes, the books he wrote about Take That in the early days are being reissued so he wants to plug them. Is there anything this bloke won't do? In short, no! I talk as one who knows - I bought his granny.
His morals are, to say the least, somewhat questionable, his ego is sickeningly gigantic, he has no grasp of irony and he has a poncey name. Urgh!
It's time for The End of The Piers Show, I think. The sooner he heads off, the better.