Pither News International has closed down for Christmas (or rather all PNI's customers have!) and so I have a week off. One day into the hols and I am already scouring Yellow Pages for the services of a hitman!
Who really should be rubbed out? Well, while re-laying some tiles in the kitchen (life on the edge, no net!) I had the TV on as background noise. Then it came on - The Jeremy Kyle Show. Aaarrrrggghhhh!!!!!! To quote Indiana Wants Me by R. Dean Taylor, "If ever a man needed dying, he did."
This type of four-beddings-and-a-fight-for-all show, featuring shellsuited chavs and other assorted pondlife, is lower than Douglas Bader's bollocks. I thought we'd got rid it when that British pioneer of programming pus, Trisha, disappeared up her own voluminous arse and was fucked off. No! It's back, this time in the shape of cockhead Kyle, an opinionated, no-mark, thick, self-obsessed, tosser!(allegedly).
All the same Trisha ingredients are there - trailer trash teenagers, dredged up from the nation's worst sink estates, spewing out their sordid, chav life stories, an audience which just a few hours earlier had been a drunken, vomit-covered queue in a kebab shop and a range of topics for discussion which are only of interest to unicellular pond dwellers. You know the ones? "My granny takes it up the wrong 'un", "You're sister is also your mother", "I slept with Hull Kingston Rovers" and "I may have plastic tits but I still want to be Archbishop of Canterbury". Double aaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!
I managed to switch the box off quickly enough to prevent any permanent damage to my already inadequate brain but I know this porn is still out there and being lapped up by millions. What hope is there for the future? Bleeding little! You can see the regular viewers of this shit all around you. Like the Wayenetta-type out shopping for a Crucifix who was shown a simple, plain cross and was then heard asking the assistant "Ay ya got one with a little man on it?"
Give me strength. Snakes belly, chav TV - get it Granthamed!
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2 comments:
Pithers
This outrageous, I am not a self obsessed (looks in mirror, smiles, looks good) tosser. As for the tossing one little incident on the common, and to be honest she was very common.
Why don't you go pick on some MP cheeky girl. I also understand Benny Hill was a massive tosser and I don't see you dissing him
Much respec Jezzie Kyle
Just leave the God Ben out of this - you could 'ear the 'off beats pounds as they raced across the ground.........
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