Tea Time?

Either it's a totally half-arsed idea which just won't sell or it's a truly sad indication of the depths to which society has sunk - I fear it's the latter.
I'm talking about the latest, ephemeral piece of wired-up plastic being flogged by the telly-selly merchants which is destined, as all of its predecessors have, to end up terminally fucked and on that "maybe-one-day-I'll-be-able-to-fix-it-but-then-again-who-am-I-kidding" pile of consumerism-gone-crazy, impulse-buy junk in the attic or garage.
This latest, supposedly must-have gadget is the Tefal Quick Cup. It's unique selling point? It can ejaculate boiling hot water all over your cup containing either a teabag or freeze-dried, instant coffee.........in just three seconds!! Well, whoop deeay!! Well done. What a fucking great idea!
I realise we have come a long way from having to pile up brushwood in the office and rub two sticks together to create man's red fire in order to boil water for a hot drink but give me a sodding break!! How long does it take to boil a fucking kettle!!! A minute? Two minutes at most? Is that such a waste of time? Is life lived at such a frenetic pace these days that we have to shave 117 or 177 seconds off our tea-making time in order to function efficiently?
I'm sure the bosses are in favour of the Quick Cup. After all, it was those self same bastards who stamped on the concept of "lunch hour" at work - remember those? First they banished all reference to the "hour" word, then they even stamped on the concept of "lunch". They substituted both with a word which could mean anything to them they wanted it to mean...........the new word was "break"!!! "I'm going for my break now, boss". "I'm having my break at 1pm, boss, but I promise I'll be back by 1.20pm." "I'm shaking it, boss, I'm shaking it!" (Cool Hand Luke reference). Go fuck yourself!!!
"Break" was something we used to have at school - a half-hour slot round about 11am when, as little ones, we used to have one of those half-pint bottles of milk with a drinking straw in it and a biscuit with the imprint of a little cow on the top. Lunch was, both at school and at work, an hour-long escape from the tedious shite of the day. A time to play football in the playground or, in later years, go down to the pub and moan to the landlady about what a shit day you were having. No, that had to go, didn't it? We couldn't have work drones being away from their sectors for a whole hour!! What would happen to productivity? We don't want to go back down that road, do we? I mean, what next? We'd soon be referring to the workforce as "personnel" again, i.e. appertaining to people. That is just plain inaccuracy when staff are merely organic units, there to be used up, burnt out and discarded, i.e. "human resources".
Sorry, went off on one again there - the plate must have shifted. Where was I? Oh, yes. Tefal and its miracle Quick Cup. So, we can get tea-making down to just three seconds, can we? Well, how about we rifle through NASA's research drawers and produce entire meals in toothpaste tubes? You know, blue ones for roast beef and all the trimmings, red ones for lamb cutlets in a redcurrant sauce, green ones for a vegetarian option? We could suck our food out of the tube in about a minute and so save about 29 minutes on the current time allotted to take on sustenance and keep us alive so that we can return to our allotted work station. Better still, we could suck on the tube while still at our desks! You could still answer the phone or type one-handed.
Maybe we could have the Tefal Quick Sleep tablet? Pop one of these babies and you don't need to sleep, thereby freeing up eight hours-a-day of wasted time, time in which you could be in the office and working. I think these tablets already exist but due to some kind of bureaucratic bungle are classed as illegal. That will have to change.
No, you may have gathered that I'm not altogether a big fan of the Quick Cup. I mean, how are you supposed to adequately slag off that git from Accounts during three seconds in the kitchen? Three seconds just isn't long enough to cop an eyeful of the tits on Big Betty from Postal while pretending to be interested in her chat about her haemorrhoid's. You don't seriously expect me to present a full and incisive critique of last night's match to Spotty Roger from Distribution in just three seconds, do you?
Sorry, the Tefal Quick Cup can go to Grantham.