So, there's not going to be a snap General Election after all. Well smack my dangler!!
Why isn't the government going to go to the country? Because, in just a week, seemingly the entire fucking nation has changed what passes for its collective mind and decided that David Cameron is a good egg and Gordon Brown is a bad one.
Next week, Brown will no doubt part his hair differently and there'll be a mass stampede of would-be voters back over to New Labour. Then, in a fortnight, Cameron will announce that his wife has an interesting new recipe for quiche and everyone will say that they've changed their minds again and are going to vote Conservative.....and so it goes on.
That is the pathetic and deeply sad state of affairs we have in this country today. When I was alive there were three distinctly different, major political parties for you to choose from. They made up a spectrum of political choice ranging from a reddish tinge, to orangey-brown and on to deep blue. You were either in favour of the nationalisation of public utilities or you believed the private sector should run all businesses. You either believed money should be spent on public services and safeguarding the less fortunate so recognised that those benefits would have to be paid for by taxation or you insisted on tax cuts across the board and letting everyone fight for their own healthcare, social needs and housing. You either believed union membership was an essential control on the excesses of capitalism or you thought unions were all militant, Totskyite organisations intent on bringing down the country. You either thought spending billions on nuclear arsenals was an obscenity while people languished in poverty or you thought that being able to blow the world up 37 times over was better than being able to blow it up 20 times over.
I know, I know, I'm labouring the point a bit (pardon the pun) but you get my drift. If you couldn't make up your mind one way or the other and liked bits of one party but bits of the other as well you could always put your cross by the Liberal candidate. Then what happened? Yup, you guessed it..........the Thatchbitch creature emerged from under her Lincolnshire rock and it all started to collapse.
I have said before on here that when she first got in I was angry. When she got in a second time I was baffled but then when she got in for a third time a metaphorical lightbulb came on over my head and I realised that SHE wasn't the problem at all - it was the fucking electorate!! All she had done was to appeal to the basest of human instincts and in doing so tap into a rich vein of greed which had been lying just below the surface all along.
What happened then? We had the likes of fucking Neil fucking, bleedin' Kinnock come along and that Welsh placenta metaphorically spawned the likes of Blair and Mandelson. They hit on the idea that power was all that mattered and so if the public wanted greed and obsession with the self then they could have it - in spades! My pals at the time used to argue "Yes, but if you don't have power you can't change anything. You see, when New Labour get in they'll turn about and bring in decent Socialist policies." I said that if you had to abandon everything you believed in to seize power then you were morally bankrupt and anyway, if you told everyone you were going to do one thing and then did the opposite when you got in you were a liar and akin to a dictator.
What happened? Sure as eggs is eggs, Blair and the other lawyers, architects, fucking teachers and Scottish gays got in and started chasing the Tories into Ultra-Right-Wingland to attract votes. They won, of course, and soon took on the mantle of the Tories. This has stumped the Conservatives in recent years because all their policies have now been nicked. Cameron did try to take things the other way by veering over to the left with his "hug-a-hoody" ideas but that went down like a fart in a spacesuit and so now he's dreaming up more right-wing shite to appease readers of the Daily Mail.
The result is you have two parties which both espouse exactly the same things (I would have said "believe in" instead of "espouse" but none of their politicians believe in anything any longer, apart from themselves). Who do you vote for? Do you want right-wing policies from a fat, boring, maths-obsessed Jock or right-wing policies from a slimy, seemingly teenage, "mummy won the Derby and daddy was a wastepaper basket" streak of piss? Tough choice, eh?
Fuck 'em, I say. Fuck 'em all! The only time the real voice of this country has been heard over the last 10 years was when the good people of Hartlepool spurned the New Labour and Tory candidates to elect Angus the Monkey their mayor.
Politicians of today - those power-hungry, greedy, unprincipled, self-obsessed, stupid wankers we are forced to vote for - can all sod off to Grantham.
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10 comments:
perfect perfect perfect
you see, this is why I don't bother to write about politics*, but stick to nice sweet girly things like song lyrics, emotions and the occasional photo or piece of sculpture**
(*there are so many other people who do it so much better than I could)(*waves at vicus*)
(**not that there's anything bloke-ish about politics, or girly about artsy fartsy stuff)
Scottish gays?
I joined a Conservative club once, principally because they had a snooker table and the Labour club didn't.
The Labour club did have cheap beer though.
I am in no way fickle.
Garfer,
Funny how that snooker table and the beer sway so many people. One of my best mates is a member of a local Con club for those very reasons. He is far more left-wing than me but his logic is those bastards use us every day so why shouldn't he use them. He had to lie a little bit at his interview but it was worth a few cheap frames.
ILTV,
Don't go all blonde on me - you have as much to say but have the brains to realise it's all very boring. Vicus and I were kinda separated at birth, politically and socially speaking, but I think that was for the good of the world in general.
I don't know if you can get this on your evil lantern, but look out for the American comedian Louis Black, live gig in Washington. (He's often on 'The Daily Show' - the only source of real news here)Then invite him down the pub. But only if I can come too.
Arabella,
I'll get on the phone to him now - get your dancing trousers out!
Well, if the people who write letters to the London Lite are a good representation of the British public - and they seem to be, because they appear to be rude, stupid, selfish and ignorant on the whole - then David Cameron would get a landslide victory if there were an election now. There's only one reason for this: he mentioned the words "change" and "tax cuts" a lot in his eight hour speech. All the letter writers in the London Lite spoke appreciatively of the words "change" and "tax cuts". Not exactly rocket science, is it?
I'd vote for a party comprised entirely of Scottish gay MPs.
Betty,
Voting for a party of gay, Scottish MPs - I don't think I could be arsed!(sorry, coming over all homo-Celta-phobic).
Yes, the "great" British public has fallen for the media hype again. Eighteen months from now, when we really do have an election, who will give a toss whether Gordon "dithered" or not in the autumn of 2007. Why the hell should Brown call an election? Ever seen a pig make apple sauce? All the election name-calling is a smokescreen for the fact that the economy is about to go tits-up, capitalism is on its last legs and nobody has the first idea what to do about it. We've had our noses in the trough for so long we are about to get what we deserve.
Here, here!! Or maybe, more pertinently, that should be "hear, hear!"
perfect perfect perfect
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