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Friday 6 April 2007

Hot, Cross Pither

It's Easter so it must be..........

Bloody Thatcher!! I didn't think there was much more she could do to us but I am convinced it is her legacy which is responsible for making the anniversary of the death of Christ a tad depressing!
It's Good Friday, for God's sake (no pun intended)! What's going on? Fifteen fucking hours I've been lying on the settee now, watching the box, and have they screened Jason and the Argonauts yet? Have they bollocks.
No Greatest Story Ever Told ("Truly this man was the son of Gaaaaaaaaaarrd!"), no Murder on the Orient Express, not even a sniff of an Escape to Athena (second worst film ever made, behind the inseparably appalling On the Buses and Holiday on the Buses)!
Instead, what is on? - wall-to-wall fucking Poirot! If I have to watch one more episode featuring that smug, smartarsed asylum seeker I think I will have to invade
Belgium! Pompous, little git. Don't get me wrong, I love whodunits, Agatha Christie in general and Art Deco but Poirot is really beginning to get on my tits. I am longing for an episode in which he gathers all together in the drawing room and announces the name of the murderer, just for some other cove to put up his or her hand and say "No actually, it was me. Na, na, na, naaah, na" and everyone then bursts out in fits of laughter, pointing at Poirot and saying things like "What a cunt". That would wipe the smirk off his fucking face!
I need the comfort of the Devil's Lantern on days like today. You see, the soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither has been out and about since early morning. She's a Catholic and as this weekend is, for her, The Biggie (what with a religious deathday and a told-you-so anniversary in one weekend) she and The Big Man have been busy cramming in as much communing as they can. Being a man with no invisible means of support whose own place of worship closes early on Good Friday, what am I supposed to do in the meantime? I rely on my posture-sprung Comfycushion 9000 and televisual shite to get me through - well, those and the drink.
If they haven't screened Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Herbie Rides Again, Digby - The Biggest Dog in the World and/or The Robe by 10pm I shall be writing a stiff letter of complaint to the programmers. After all, it is what HE would have wanted.
(Sexism AND blasphemy in two days! I think I am regaining my touch!)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

He is one belgium twat.

WEDNESDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2007

SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1. From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).

Monday, 12 November 2007

Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.

....And On the Subject of Great Public Services

I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.

...There's More

On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!

Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!

Oh...........my............God!!!!! My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!

Tuesday, 18 September 2007.

I wish I'd sung this! For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can. (P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.) P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.

To Make You Laugh and Cry

I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons. On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.2
Mind: 4.1
Body: 2.7
Spirit: 8
Friends/Family: 1.6
Love: 0
Finance: 5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"

I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things

Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact. To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:

Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........

In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today. The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared. Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.

Life On The Edge - No Net.

I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal? Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having! Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting! Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.

The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?

Be honest........

IT'S THE QUIZ OF THE WEEK! JUST SCROLL DOWN AND HIT "FULL QUIZ".