Mahatma Eye!!

"We woz just teachin' 'im ter dance, honest! Yer put yer right boot in, yer right boot out....."

Mahatma would be so proud.
That little man in an oversized nappy who helped topple the might of the British Empire and gain independence for India has found an army of spiritual followers back here in England.
Yes, Ghandi's tactic of "passive resistance" has seemingly been warmly embraced by one of this country's biggest exports - football hooligans.
I have just watched Manchester United fans, caught up in violence in Italy during their team's match against Roma, tell reporters how they were all innocent and had been set upon by savage, baton-wielding Carabinieri. Now, I have to admit from the pictures I have seen, they do seem to have a bit of a point this time but how many times does violence flare at games involving England supporters and the newsmen, amazingly, only seem to interview those who were totally innocent and had been set upon?
You know the scenario? A reporter is interviewing two 24-stone, shirtless, heavily tattooed England fans, both of whom, ironically, have Swastikas on their foreheads. One is carrying a burning cross while the other has the severed arm of a German supporter hanging out of his mouth:
Hack: "Were you one of the fans who burnt down the Olympiastadion here in Munich and stabbed German Chancellor Angela Merkel?"
Thug: "Weren't me. I day d'nothin'. It's them fuckin' square 'eads wot started it. Them an' the pigs."
Hack: "Are you saying you were nowhere near the trouble?"
Thug: "Listen, aresewipe, I woz at the library wiv me mate.
2nd Thug: "Yeah. We woz doin' book learnin' 'n' stuff.
Hack: "The police actually have you on film hacksawing off an officer's head and eating eine kleine kind."
Thug: "Well, yeah, we woz there a bit but we day kill no-one nor nuffink."
2nd Thug: "No. We ay allowed t'no more. It's one o' them conditions of us probation, and the ASBOs. Besides, we couldna'bin there. The court 'ad us passports off of us. We'm still in England."
Thug: "Shut up Vince!"
2nd Thug: "Oh, yeah, soz. We woz just pickin' flowers when some German bastards from a home for disabled pensioners attacked us. We'm innocent."
This is usually followed by an interview back home with the thugs' doting mothers. They have fags hanging out of their mouths and are usually on their worn out sofas, surrounded by empty beer cans and scores of near naked toddlers, while their fat husbands sit alongside, in pizza-stained vests, trying to watch hardcore porn on the telly.
Mrs Scum: "'E's a lovely fella, our Bozza, ay 'e Sid?"
Mr Scum: "Shut the fuck up, Gladys. I'm tryin'a watch the piggin' telly. 'Er's about to tek it up the wrongun."
Mrs Scum: "It's them bastard coppers and foreigners. They keep pickin' on 'im. This is the 237th time as e's bin attacked at a match. 'E's really kind. E's bin painting thar'old dear's 'ouse over t'road, bless 'im."
Mr Scum: "That's 'is community service you dozy mare! He shouldna hit the old bag over th'ead with a bottle in the first bloody place."
Same old, same old. None of these buggers apparently does anything wrong. No, they always tell us that someone else started "it" and they just sat there quietly on the ground, in the lotus position, while someone beat the living crap out of them. Dedicated exponents of passive resistence, see? I can hear them now: "Yeah, I luv Ghandi, me. Pity that woz the only film 'e made though."
No, sorry. My reaction to the stories of innocence they trot out each time England fans are "accidentally caught up" in a re-enactment of The Battle of The Little Bighorn? - "That dawg don't hunt!!"
Football thugs and their excuse-laden parents can crawl away, ape-like, to Grantham.