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Thursday 8 November 2007

In Which Max Schmeling Becomes The New World Chess Champion


Looking back, I think four things got me through the rigours of childhood and puberty. There was football, there was my older brother's record collection, there were girls...........and there was comedy.
Probably chief among these, and certainly the one which did most to shape the Pither of today, was comedy. Whether it was Round the Horn on the radio while we ate Sunday lunch or the likes of Morcambe and Wise, Tommy Cooper and Doddy on the TV on Saturday nights, I lapped it all up.
There were two acts, however, which were so special, so brilliant and such an acquired taste that, not only was I TOLD to go and listen to them alone in my bedroom, I felt as though they were mine, I had discovered them, only I appreciated them and so I didn't want to share them.






The first was The Marx Brothers, all of whose films I had recorded on video (or vye-dee-oh as my mother called it).








The second was Monty Python's Flying Circus.
There is not enough space here for a full tribute to the genius which is Python but one thing struck me about them early on - they were way ahead of their time. After all, they went on to become the first people in 2,000 years of Christianity to use as the basis for an on-running gag the fact, for it surely must have been a fact, that people at the back of the 5,000 listening to the Surmon on the Mount couldn't hear properly what Christ was saying!
I was reminded today of another bizarre scenario they came up with, the basic premise for which has now been used to stage a real event. Python's fantastic idea was to have Jack Bodell, then British, Commonwealth and Empire heavyweight boxing champion, fight Sir Kenneth Clark, the foremost art historian of his generation and presenter of the TV epic Civilisation, to decide who should be the new Oxford Professor of Fine Art!
Cut to today and there was an item on the news about "Chess Boxing"! Yes, you've got it. Two burly blokes climbed into a ring in Germany and spent one round punching the Hell out of each other and then the next sitting down at a table in the middle playing chess. The gloves were back on for the next round and then it was back to the chessboard for the next, and so on. The German contender eventually came out on top after "knocking out" his American opponent by checkmating him in round six!
What a great, truly Pythonesque sport!....and it's real!! It opens up so many possibilities. We could have Javelin Darts, Shotput Billiards, Table Cricket, High-Dive Oil Painting....the list goes on.
Sadly, for those thinking of making a name for themselves by creating one of these anarchic new past-times, Python has already dreamed up the best. The Silly Olympiad in Munich featured such classics as The Marathon for Incontinents, The 100m Freestyle for Non-Swimmers (in the Bundesabsurd Pool) and the truly inspired an dangerously hilarious 100m For People With No Sense of Direction.
Python's best on the theme to my mind, however, was Novel Writing from Dorchester, featuring "a very good natured Bank Holiday crowd" which turned out to watch "local boy Thomas Hardy write his new novel, 'The Return of the Native'". Bloody superb!!
Grantham shall never, ever, ever have Monty Python.

13 comments:

garfer said...

Chessboxing just goes to prove that the Germans definitely don't have a sense of humour.

Deranged yes, sense of humour no.

Barry Lawrence said...

Garfer,

So true. Any nation which can find entertainment in two world wars and Kraaftwerk witnessed the cheese slide off its cracker many, many years ago.

Vicus Scurra said...

You two obviously never heard Konrad Adenauer's stand up show.

Barry Lawrence said...

Among the post-war greats! Rivalled only by Tito's "funny walk".

Malcolm Cinnamond said...

Did they keep the gloves on for the chess rounds. I hope so.

Marathon for Incontinents. . . nice to know that reality sometimes - eventually - catches up with comedy, isn't it Paula?

Anonymous said...

I think it's unfair to say that the Germans have no sense of humour. I think this video illustrates their national character perfectly and it's fucking hilarious.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/213

BGT

Arabella said...

Guys need to be able to dress up in girlie clothes sometimes and what's wrong with that, we cry?! There are so few opportunities in western culture: American football, Panto season in British regional repertory theatre...so it is indeed right the Python team should be protected from Grantham.

I, Like The View said...

totally agree with you about the boys from Python

they were ahead of their time, but strangely - even now - do not seem outdated

Doris said...

Ah, I share your love of all things Pythonic. Mind you, I was reminded the other day of how much I love Spike Milligan - and he himself was quite an influence on the Pythons. No Grantham for Spike, I say. Oh, and I am so glad to see I won the turtle (terrapin) naming competition! Woo!

The Birdwatcher said...

So I did not dream the chessboxing then?

Its a mad world. The pythons along with the goons are timeless.

Anonymous said...

MOURNERS. Read the dress code instructions on funeral invitations very carefully. Sombre, whilst being only 2 letters away from sombrero, is a world apart in tone.

Zig said...

pining for the fjords?

Anonymous said...

One of my favourite phrases is "It ees wwwWAFFerr thin!" THe Marx brothers make me laugh, also. Duck soup is always on a christmas. Excellent taste, my Pithers.

WEDNESDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2007

SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1. From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).

Monday, 12 November 2007

Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.

....And On the Subject of Great Public Services

I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.

...There's More

On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!

Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!

Oh...........my............God!!!!! My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!

Tuesday, 18 September 2007.

I wish I'd sung this! For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can. (P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.) P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.

To Make You Laugh and Cry

I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons. On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.2
Mind: 4.1
Body: 2.7
Spirit: 8
Friends/Family: 1.6
Love: 0
Finance: 5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"

I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things

Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact. To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:

Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........

In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today. The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared. Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.

Life On The Edge - No Net.

I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal? Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having! Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting! Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.

The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?

Be honest........

IT'S THE QUIZ OF THE WEEK! JUST SCROLL DOWN AND HIT "FULL QUIZ".