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Sunday 18 November 2007

We're All Going To Die!




I'm worried about the would-be martyrs of the True Russian Orthodox Church - I just don't think they've thought things through.
You may well have heard that members of this breakaway church have barricaded themselves inside a cave in Russia and are threatening to blow themselves up if the authorities don't let them wait there until next May when they claim the world is going to end.
What sort of a bargaining position is that for budding activists?

Troglodyte: "Back off, pigski!! Don't come any closer! We're all going to die in May and if you don't go away we'll kill ourselves."
Fuzzski: "Sorry? Run that by me again."
Troglodyte: "Uurm, yeah, ok. Uurm, right, right, I've got it now. If you, right, come in here, right, we'll all kill ourselves. Yeah, yeah, I think that's it."
Fuzzski: "...and if we don't come in?"
Troglodyte: "Uuuuurrmm, uuuurrmmm......hang on a bit.....uurrmmm....if you, right, don't come in, right....ok, ok, just supposing you don't come in, right.....let's just suppose, right....like, that you don't come in, right....we're....uuurrmm.....we're......we're all going to die."
Fuzzski: "See you in June."
Troglodyte: "Ok, bye for now. Take care."

Pity the recruitment manager for this dickhead sect. How on earth do you persuade people to sign on the dotted line when all you can offer them is death, either now or in May? Opportunities for promotion must surely be limited?
Also, not content with failing to see the idiocy of their position, the members seem completely unperturbed by the fact that the bloke who started the cult, Pyotr Kuznetsov, is not with them. That hardly inspires confidence, does it? Not only that, old Pyotr is currently undergoing psychiatric tests!! You would have thought that might have given his followers the slightest inkling that all was not well with the cause.

Sorry, the True Russian Orthodox Church can go to Grantham.

2 comments:

The Birdwatcher said...

There is a lot of the worlds going to end stuff about at the moment. Its big in America according to somethnig I heard on Radio 4 recently. Alarmingly quite a lot of them had positions of power in the government.

Anonymous said...

Birdwatcher - i think the power drives 'em nutso.

In any case, if the end of the world doesn't get 'em, the cold of the ice cave will...

It's gonna be a long winter...

WEDNESDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2007

SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1. From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).

Monday, 12 November 2007

Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.

....And On the Subject of Great Public Services

I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.

...There's More

On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!

Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!

Oh...........my............God!!!!! My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!

Tuesday, 18 September 2007.

I wish I'd sung this! For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can. (P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.) P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.

To Make You Laugh and Cry

I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons. On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.2
Mind: 4.1
Body: 2.7
Spirit: 8
Friends/Family: 1.6
Love: 0
Finance: 5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"

I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things

Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact. To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:

Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........

In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today. The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared. Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.

Life On The Edge - No Net.

I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal? Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having! Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting! Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.

The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?

Be honest........

IT'S THE QUIZ OF THE WEEK! JUST SCROLL DOWN AND HIT "FULL QUIZ".