"Wheeee, fizzzzz, BANG - aaaaahhh!" "Wheeee, fizzzzz, BANG - wooooah!" So it goes, every bloody year.
God, I HATE fireworks. I LOATHE, DESPISE and DETEST fireworks but, as with so many other things in life these days, society just says to me "Tough titty, fishface! Live with them because kiddies like them and they're all that count in the world so there!"
I have four dogs, all of which are rescue dogs. Each came to me having endured their own Hell on earth at the hands of bloody people. The eldest of the pack, Henry, he with the 25 per cent deficit in the leg department, is and always has been terrified of fireworks. Every year I have to take him to the vet's to get a supply of diazepam to knock him out when the season starts. Drugging anyone to help them get through life is appalling and I deeply resent having to do it but if he isn't knocked out he is so scared he trembles uncontrollably, wets himself and pants so much that the strain on his little heart would, as he gets older, prove fatal.
Henry is the leader of the pack and so the others look to him for inspiration, education and guidance. Henry is terrified of fireworks.......therefore the others are now as well. They weren't when I first had them but they have learned from their teacher. I haven't yet got to the stage where I also have to dope them up - but it's not far away.
THIS is why I hate fireworks. Not for my own sake, you notice. Personally, I can take them or leave them. It is what they do to those nearest and dearest to me and when someone or some people harm those whom I love I get very, very, very angry!
I am a man - and every day the media tells me and my kind that almost everything we do is wrong because we are not like women and everyone of us is a potential danger to children. I am a smoker - and I am treated like a piece of detritus which is poisoning children whereas if I drove a gas-guzzling, super-polluting 4x4 to ferry around Jacasta and Leopold I would be the toast of the gulf (sic) club and the local Rotarians. I am childless - so I pay for others to drop grubs all over the place, grubs which then dump litter, run around causing a riot, continually bellow "I want, I want!" and have no idea what a dictionary is, let alone whereabouts in one to find the words "please", "thank you" and "excuse me".
I am also a dog owner - and dogs are supposedly all lethal, killing machines. Not only that, but they shit everywhere. Well, I would fucking bite if some little shit of a kid jabbed its fingers in my eyes, tweaked my "tail" or squeezed my bollocks. It's a tough life, kid. Learn the hard way! Also, I clean up after my dogs - do you clean up after your kids? Fucking liars!! I don't see you with a fucking mop and bucket when they "get caught short" and so you disrobe them so they can shit or piss up against a wall in town.
Most dogs don't like fireworks. "Well, fuck you! Our kids love them so fuck you! It's our kids that count. You don't, your dogs don't, no-one does, except our kids. Consider yourself thrice fucked."
Ask the average supposedly Christian kid today (ha, ha, ha, ha!!) why fireworks are set off at this time of year and he or she will probably say "because it's cool" or "because it scares the shit out of dogs and pensioners which is also cool". Mention a Catholic plot to blow up a Protestant king and the Houses of Parliament and they will look even blanker than they normally do.
Why, in the name of all that is holy, would I want to commemorate a failed attempt to get rid of the monarchy or dispatch our MPs to the other, other place? Sounded like a pretty damn good idea to me. So what that left-footers were behind it. I'm not bothered whether or not they believed a piece of bread and a cup of wine were actual bits of a bloke who lived 2,000 years ago. It's their criminal intent I applaud.
Then there's the Hindus. They have Diwhali which has also become an excuse for a fireworks bonanza. Fuck that the celebration is supposed to just involve candles! That goes on for ever, seemingly.
God, I am really angry. I HATE fireworks. They can go to Grantham - NOW and forever!!!!
Monday, 5 November 2007
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To Make You Laugh and Cry
I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons.
On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"
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| Mind: | 4.1 |
| Body: |  2.7 |
| Spirit: |  8 |
| Friends/Family: |  1.6 |
| Love: |  0 |
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6 comments:
With you on the Fireworks. It starts about three weeks before the DAY here. Its like living in Beruit. Mrs BW says I am just an intolerant old bore. Keep them t the day and in organised events.
I was wondering, are you free to babysit at all?
I know, I know. It came out all wrong because I was angry. I actually love kids - it's really their stupid, lazy, self-obsessed, incapable parents who get my goat. Castrate some sense into them, I say! Doris explains it so much better
http://statelymoans.blogspot.com/2007/10/dear-selfish-stupid-lazy-parents.html
I was thinking about you and your dogs last night. . .
SP cuddled her cat
fireworks night and burning a guy probably just replaced some previous pagan celebration - as most other things celebrated usually do
and I totally agree with you - most parents are pretty stupid, that's what a few years of sleep deprivation does to a person, renders them senseless
ILTV,
You don't get more much pagan that a "celebration" during which someone is burned at the stake!!! Quite why they do that bemuses me as well. Wasn't he hung, drawn and quartered?
Not all parents of young children are the scum of the earth - but the scum of the earth IS entirely composed of the parents of young children.
For the first time in many years I haven't seen a single firework. Maybe a move to Orkney is what Henry and the gang require.
I love fireworks, but I love my dogs too, so it's a tricky one. Tighter restrictions on when and where fireworks can be let off is a fine idea, but I suspect only a total ban on the open sale of them would work.
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