Welcome to the World of Geronimo Sideboard-Wainwright III or...They've Just Rebadged It You Fool!)

Goodbye Reg.....say howdy Gez!

Well, waddya think? Makes a world of difference, eh? Things should really take off now because this is the all new, improved, washing whiter than white Grantham New Town! I have finally entered the 21st Century - I have learnt the genius which is behind "rebranding".
I watched a programme today about the wonderful world of advertising, a world which regular readers of the old, stuffy, out-of-date, not "fit for purpose" blog will know I absolutely adore. Basically, the programme was trying to get people to work in advertising by claiming that it was an exciting, rewarding and worthwhile career. To that end, all the fab and brain-taxing "skills" employed by those already in the industry were outlined.
Re-branding was the central theme. You know, where some lounge lizard, shiny-suited, hair-gelled, advertising twat who uses gallons of cheap aftershave every day in a pathetic attempt to cover up the all-too obvious pungent aroma eminating from him because he is a total wanker/cunt decides that Snacko Wheatyflakes could make their manufacturers more money? Producing a replacement breakfast cereal not packed with salt, sugar, saturated fats and more Es than there are Evans in Wales would involve a bit of thought and spending some money - so that is right out! No, what they do is just change the name of the product, then everyone will think it is completely different, "new and improved". Advertisers always say something is "new" AND "improved", to distinguish it from products churned out by those highly successful companies which have built their place in the market by making something new which is crappier than the old thing they made!
We had Marathon becoming Snickers, Opal Fruits became Starburst, Jif became Cif (that must have been a long meeting), Oil of Ulay became Oil of Olay (how proud they must have been at the advertising awards ceremony), Royal Mail became Consignia - before the chairman realised what a wanky idea it was and changed it back - and the AA became Centrica. Even kiddies weren't left alone. Children's television became CBBC, Watch With Mother-style programmes became even more ridiculously CBeebies, independent telly followed with CITV and, holy of holies, Blue Peter became BP (no doubt when it was taken over by the oil giant!). Then, the best of the lot, The National Socialist Party became New Labour. The list is almost endless.
Well, not to be left behind, I have rebranded. Suddenly, everything is "new and improved". It's a belter. Why didn't I think of it before?

Oh, and I've not just re-badged the blog. I am rebranding myself! I have decided that, in order to obtain optimum market share, it is no longer appropriate to use my real name. No, Reg Pither is no more. I thought long and hard about a pen name. I wanted something earthy, homely, classy and English yet exciting, vibrant and with more than a hint of danger - so I have plumped for Geronimo Sideboard-Wainwright III.
I can now be e-mailed at "geronimo.sideboard-wainwright3@hotmail.co.uk". The old, faded, so-yesterday "reg_pither@hotmail.com" will, however, remain in service during the course of this rebranding experiment.
(NOTE: For the hard of humour, this IS intended to be sarcastic! Normal service, and Reg, will return shortly.)