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Friday 30 March 2007

Dog - Free to Good (Indestructible) Home?

I have measured my tether and there is just 0.02mm of it left. I am, likewise, down to the last, frayed bits of my rope and the proverbial camel's back is about to fracture through straw overload.
It's THAT DAMN DOG again!! Caty, the Dingo of Doom.


I keep saying she cannot cause any more mayhem and I keep being proved wrong. Well, this time I am convinced she has peaked.
Regular readers may recall that Nigella, the 30ft-high blue lawson fir in my back garden, has "got bent".
By that I mean that the tree has taken to leaning over at an angle which has almost prompted my next door neighbour into walking round in a hard hat, when he is not protectively throwing his arms around his beloved pigeon loft.
Well, yesterday I finally got round to calling in a tree surgeon to take a look at Nigella and see what could be done. It only turned out that part of the massive base of the tree had been turned into an underground adventure playground, with a network of tunnels and caves undermining the formerly well-anchored root system.
Guess who? None of my other dogs is a digger. Caty, on the other hand, loves digging, so much so that she has, in the past, dug up one of my beloved old dogs who died some years ago and was buried in the garden. Many is the time she has seemingly vanished after being let out and returned later, snout covered in mud. I just assumed she was truffling and bone burying at the far end of the garden so thought no more about it. It appears she has, in fact, been systematically trying to fell Nigella!!
Treeman has gone away to have a re-think about shoring up Nigella and filling in the Cheddar Gorge playground underneath her with something substantial - and Caty-proof.

That bloody dog! On Wednesday I noticed that a large catoneaster bush which used to be tethered to a wall in the garden had also started leaning over. I actually found Caty behind the bush, chewing happily on the rope which I had used to tie up the bush.
These days I look in deep sorrow at what was once my immaculate, manicured lawn.
Since the Devil dog's arrival it has been turned into a mini-Somme and my efforts to let the grass grow back by fencing off key areas have all ended in failure - Caty just leaps the chicken wire barricade in one jaunty bound.
To Grantham or not to Grantham, that is the question? The trouble with Caty is that she is one of the prettiest dogs alive and can be impossibly cute at times. She is also very loving. Oh, I don't know. Answers on a postcard please.

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WEDNESDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2007

SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1. From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).

Monday, 12 November 2007

Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.

....And On the Subject of Great Public Services

I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.

...There's More

On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!

Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!

Oh...........my............God!!!!! My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!

Tuesday, 18 September 2007.

I wish I'd sung this! For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can. (P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.) P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.

To Make You Laugh and Cry

I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons. On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.2
Mind: 4.1
Body: 2.7
Spirit: 8
Friends/Family: 1.6
Love: 0
Finance: 5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"

I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things

Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact. To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:

Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........

In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today. The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared. Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.

Life On The Edge - No Net.

I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal? Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having! Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting! Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.

The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?

Be honest........

IT'S THE QUIZ OF THE WEEK! JUST SCROLL DOWN AND HIT "FULL QUIZ".