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Sunday 11 March 2007

Picture This.


So, this Geordie bint is lounging around on the sofa, shouting to her thick kid who can't find his fucking skateboard, while at the same time talking to Picture Loans on the phone. Seen the ad?
Her hubby walks in, asking where his pile cream is, or something, and she shooshes him to check that they both want to borrow £25,000. He nods excitedly and she gives the thumbs up. They both grin broadly, like two kids on Christmas morning, then she asks: "How much is that a month?". She positively wets herself at the answer. "Really! That's much less than we're paying now." End of story.

Welcome again to the obscene world of advertising and the even more obscene world of money lending. What happens when you take the time to look at the smallprint on the screen concerning the finer points of this loan? Well, it says that if you borrow £25,000 over three years you will pay £240+ per month and at the end of the loan period have paid in total £42,000!!! That's £17,000 in interest!!! That's an overall interest rate of 68 fucking per cent!!!
When this adbint says it's a lot less than she's paying at the moment, I am baffled as to who it is she is borrowing money off at the moment? The Kray Twins? Johnny "Mad Dog" Hollister? Kaiser Sosa?
I think it might just be a tad more accurate if the Geordie woman on the ad asked how much the loan was going to cost and we heard a voice over the other end of the phone say: "Total 68 per cent on top for a drink for me, daaarlin', and pay the moolah prompt or Big Dave will be payin' ya a visit. Got it!" We would then see her and her brain dead husband still smiling inanely and saying "That's much less than we're paying now".
The slight problem the advertisers and Picture would face in that situation is that you would think the grinning couple were both inmates of a secure psychiatric institution and would avoid Picture Loans like you would avoid going on holiday with the cast of EastEnders.
So, what you do is you mislead everyone as much as you possibly can. It's a belter, and as long as you put that smallprint on screen somewhere, however fleetingly, it is all legal. Fuck off!

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WEDNESDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2007

SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1. From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).

Monday, 12 November 2007

Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.

....And On the Subject of Great Public Services

I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.

...There's More

On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!

Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!

Oh...........my............God!!!!! My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!

Tuesday, 18 September 2007.

I wish I'd sung this! For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can. (P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.) P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.

To Make You Laugh and Cry

I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons. On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.2
Mind: 4.1
Body: 2.7
Spirit: 8
Friends/Family: 1.6
Love: 0
Finance: 5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"

I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things

Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact. To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:

Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........

In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today. The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared. Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.

Life On The Edge - No Net.

I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal? Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having! Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting! Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.

The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?

Be honest........

IT'S THE QUIZ OF THE WEEK! JUST SCROLL DOWN AND HIT "FULL QUIZ".