Hail The Brave Botty Bomb Boy

Where to start? There is so much which captured my imagination today.
Well, how about the best story in the news? Police/guard-types in San Salvador have revealed that they caught a chap trying to smuggle a hand grenade into a prison - concealed up his arse!! (The hand grenade, that is, not the prison - that WOULD smart a bit!)
Now, there's dedication for you. Not only that, it's a demonstration of real bravery. I mean, apart from the essential qualification that you've got to have a sphincter the size of Michael Barrymore's swimming pool, you've got to be ultra confident in the state of your pants! Just one loose thread, a peeling waistband, a slight tear and that pin could snag! Pin come out, bottom blow off - literally!
This is the kind of chap this country should be head-hunting (his relatives would have been doing that if the grenade had exploded) to replace Blair and lead our nation into the much-promised-over-the-last-ten-years land.
The San Salvadorians also revealed that 16 other coves had been stopped trying to smuggle mobile phones into the same jail using the same rectal cover. It must be like a Liberal convention round at that lock-up! What's the motto over there? "If in doubt, shove it up your arse?"
Spare a second to think about Hand Grenade Man and his suitability for high office, though. If we had leaders who DID have hand mini-bombs up their chocolate highways then how easy would it be to tell them that their time had come and they had to quit? A quick goose and: "You're fired!! BANG!!!!!!!"
No, I shall henceforth banish all the nation's leaders who do not get into office with an explosive device up their bottoms to Grantham.