Sing When You're Losing, You Should Only Sing When You're Losing!

Well, the inquest has begun and, as with all topics of great import, the analysis was obviously led by the British leader in all that is current and hard news - The Today Programme on Wireless 4.
"It was a disaster, let's face it" was the widely shared perception. What went wrong, asked presenter Ed Sturton? Why did it go wrong? How can we prevent such a debacle ever happening again? They were the questions everyone wanted answered and wanted answered NOW! I'm sure Blair was squirming on his commode at that time in the morning. "Oh no! Not fucking Iraq again!!"
So, which leading figures at the thick of the debate on this unholy situation had been invited to discuss the thorny issue? George Galloway and Ken Livingstone, perhaps? Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and President Hafez Assad of Syria, maybe? Surely not the widow of former mujahideen leader in Afghanistan, Mullah Dadullah, and his likely successor, Jalaluddin Haqqani?............No. It was Russ Spencer - who? - of UK Eurovision superflop group Scooch and Paul Gambaccini!
Turns out they were discussing Eurovision and Britain's failure to strike a chord with the continental voting public. Tone's sphincter must have relaxed massively when it dawned on him that he was not to be pilloried again for being the poodle of that retarded, cowgirl's placenta Bush and jointly waging an illegal war which has cost the lives of thousands of innocents.
Wait, however. Amazing as it may seem, the two issues of Iraq and Eurovision are not that disparate. It took the genius of a fucking disc jockey to identify the link.
Gambaccini said: "Britain's votes plummeted with the invasion of Iraq and have stayed in the basement with the occupation.
"It may be the strangest reason for ending a war but if you want to win the Eurovision Song Contest again, bring the boys home!"
Ok, PG's tongue may have been firmly in his cheek but he may have inadvertently stumbled on a sure fire way of making this country great again. If we truly want to win any revived version of Jeux Sans Frontiere (aka European It's a Knockout) we should abandon capitalism, demand an increase in all farming subsidies and return to a medieval, agrarian economy in line with the French and two thirds of the rest of Europe. If our hopes of regaining The Ashes are ever to be fulfilled then we should murder the Queen and give the Aussies their freedom. How are we ever going to win the World Cup without jailing every man in this country under the age of 65 who has a passport and an interest in the beautiful game?

Russ Spencer - pictured in happier times.

I'm into this lateral-thinking-politics business. Bring it on!
For those who are still awake, Mr Spencer's comments about Scooch's performance and how "it's not the winning that's important, it's the coming second to last" were that at least they were not as shite as last year's UK entry. That's what I like. A positive thinker.
So, what or who goes to Grantham. I know not and care less.