Dear Gordon Brown,
I have just spent the last six months organising an awards scheme for which the honours are to be presented at a gala final in London by a TV star. This famous-for-just-one-show celebrity has featured heavily in the publicity I have put out for these awards and so imagine my disappointment when I learnt yesterday that he had been axed from the programme for which his name was known. His demotion to the ranks of the rest of us has, therefore, reduced my scheme and the associated promotional work to a heavyweight pile of donkey's doo-daahs.
I drove back from work last night with a heavy heart, in even heavier rain, and one of my windscreen wipers (driver's side) flew off as I waited in indescribably heavier traffic at Junction 6 of the M6.
I arrived home to find that my alsatian had defecated in my hallway and when I switched on the light so as to be able to see while clearing up the still steaming load there was a "ping!" and the bulb went.
In my kitchen I switched on the main light to put away the cleaning equipment and that bulb went as well.
I decided to have a long, hot bath to ease away the pain and depression of the day but unfortunately the pilot light blew out and could not be re-lit.
I am consequently sitting here in a freezing cold house, with no hot water, little light and a spastic car parked out on the drive. If I was in a marching band I would be playing the piano! I would shoot myself but, the way things are going, I would miss.
As I contemplate the imminent end of my career while watching my dingo-cross chew up one of my slippers, a thought is weighing heavy on my mind.........................what is the government going to do about all this?
Yours A Tad Dejected,
R. Pither.
4.2
2.7
8
1.6
0
5.9
Shaggy Blog Stories
6 comments:
Fucking George Melly, selfish *unt.
I was so touched by your situation that I telephoned Gordon. He was very sympathetic. He is going to send Jack Straw round to see if he can help.
Dear Anon,
A don't know about being a selfish c***. Biologically speaking, that sounds unlikely. No-one could ever have accused him of being a selfish arse, however. That was one part of his anatomy to which all-cummers were welcome.
Dear Vicus,
Many thanks. As always, you are all heart. I will just about cope, however, as long as he doesn't bring Harriet Harmon with him!
I have it on good authority (the big cheeso)that Harriet harman is a wearer of suspenders.
That makes her a bit like Korea - the South is quite acceptable but the North is where all the bloody trouble is.
lifes a bitch reg ! but out of of darkness cometh light. you are just waiting for your light ! one day just maybe ? who knows ?
Post a Comment