Whatever, Next!

Simply everyone's wearing one now, daarling.

It's official! I am international style god in manner of Gianni Versace - only with fewer bullet holes and a tighter sphincter.
What Pither wears today, The Kids will be wearing tomorrow. I, of course, have always known this but at last my impact on the fashion industry is becoming appreciated by others.
Last weekend I was the focus for Much Chuckling In The Marsh over at Ed Straker's drop-in centre in Big Town East when I arrived wearing a limited edition, fire retardant, knitted polo shirt in Stuart Lubbock blue with a Barrymore all-white, pencil stripe.
Oh, how they laaarfed and joshed the night away, pointing and sniggering to cries of "Reg has knitted his jumper! Reg knitted his jumper!!" Well, he who laughs last is slowest at getting the joke.
I got a call this evening from Straker who, in utter disbelief, told me that a high street chain had followed my lead and was now mass producing that fetching little number. The proof, he said, lay in the pages of a Next catalogue delivered to the home of his fellow band member, The Baby-Faced Assassin. Next's cheap imitation did not, obviously, have the same fire retardant qualities as Pither's Milan-produced one-off and, worryingly, it did not carry a label warning that it should only be disposed of in a registered landfill site in Greenland. Otherwise, it was exactly the same.
My lawyers tackle this kind of petty fakery every day but I am more sanguine about it. I mean, the fashionistas out there are human. Of course they are going to follow Reg's every move. Diana used to phone me on an almost daily basis, fretting about whether we were going to colour clash, begging to know whether I regarded red as the new green and seeking advice on how to make one pair of pants last all week. If only she'd asked my advice about taxi drivers!
So, be warned. I am giving no clues as to the ensemble I shall choose tomorrow morning. A lot depends on whether I put the bedroom light on or not while I'm dressing. In the meantime, fashion fakery can go to Grantham.