The Not So Good Life

Well, that's how I pictured it. As they say, if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

I'm thinking of abandoning my plans to go self-sufficient.
I had carefully worked out the spread of produce needed for a balanced diet throughout the year, the required yields per hectare and the price per ton I could expect from my surplus.
I have to admit, I have fallen a little short of my calculations.
My cucumbers have been, it's fair to say, a slight disappointment.
I had booked a week off work to harvest them this August but I'm now thinking of going to Blackpool instead.
The aubergines have proved unco-operative as well.






I recall reading in that trusty tome "Aubergine Growing For Fuckwits" that I was to expect some purplish-coloured things to sprout among the greenery. Not only is there a distinct lack of anything purplish, the greenery is not so much green as grey.

Now the peppers and courgettes I can explain.
They WERE doing quite well......up until a week ago yesterday. Having discovered white fly on my strawberries (not a euphemism), I ditched my desire to be completely organic and sprayed them with a bug killer. Once in the Chemical Ali mood I was unable to stop. I spied some mildew eradicator and so sprayed the said vegetables to prevent them falling foul of the fungal infection which appeared to be rampant in the greenhouse (see "aubergines" above). Only after I had sprayed them did I take a closer look at the bottle. That's when I noticed the manufacturer's name - Jeys!! Oh dear.
So, it's now down to my tomatoes, strawberries, lettuce, carrots, onions, leeks and beans to see me through the winter and spring.



Seeing as not a single tomato has yet seen fit to put in an appearance, there are only four strawberries, my lettuce is as limp as Lionel Blair's wrist and three buckets of assorted veg are not likely to go far, it looks like it's down to my less than impressive beans (this time last year they were seven feet tall!).
So, memo to self - must go out and buy a copy of "How To Survive For Nine Months On Nothing But 28 Bloody Runner Beans".
Sorry, self sufficiency can go to Grantham.