'Ello John, Gotta New Loan?

Once again I feel like the little boy in the story of The King's New Clothes. "Oi! fat boy, I can see yer nadgers! Get some kit on!"
The naked royal this time? It's bloody Lloyds Bank and its business ethics (pause for hollow laughter at the mention of "ethics" and "bank" in the same sentence). I know I am an innocent child in the world of capitalism and finance but what I have just discovered strikes me as plain wrong.
I approached "my" branch of Lloyds today to enquire about the possibility of a loan to carry out some loft conversion work at Pither Towers. After a sickeningly boring interview, the loan arranger (yes, a real cowboy if ever there was one) said there would be no problem and she could do me a special deal at 8.9 per cent interest. Oh, goodo, I thought, but I said I would, obviously, be shopping around (as it turned out, I subsequently got a deal of 6.4 per cent elsewhere - YES, 2.5 PER CENT LOWER). Her reply to that was: "Well, whatever improved rate you can find I will match it." What!?! To the best of my recollection, the Bank of England doesn't announce that it is going to set interest rates at a certain percentage with the caviat "but if you can find it better in Germany, Hong Kong, Iceland or anywhwere else we will match it". Surely THE bank's rate is THE bank's rate. Why don't Lloyds just come out and be honest about this? Why don't they get Del Boy to head up their staff training department and he could instruct their loan managers to tell customers: "Gather round, gather round, before the police come. Look John, I like your face. I'm feeling generous. Tell you what, Moosh, I'm not going to offer you 11.9 per cent, I'm not going to offer 10.9 per cent. Dear me, I'm not even going to offer you 9.9 per cent. No, just for today and just for you, because you're a nice bloke, it's a once in a lifetime deal. I'm going to offer you 8.9 per cent, yes, you heard right that lady at the back, 8.9 per cent. I'm robbing myself, I know, but that's why they call me honest Lloyd"?
It's the equivalent of the way a cowboy builder operates. You know, he turns up at your house to give a quote on some work and he takes a look at the standard of car in your drive, the size of your house, the neighbourhood, the snazziness of your clothing and then belches out the highest possible figure he thinks he can screw out of you. I fucking hate bartering! Either something costs a set amount or it doesn't. Aaaaaarrrgghhhhh!!
It also reminds me of a former associate of mine - no longer with us, it has to be said - who found the introduction of VAT an absolute godsend. He would quote for work and if the reaction was "ooh, that's reasonable" he would add "of course, there's VAT on top of that". If the response was "you're bloody joking, aren't you?" he would say "aah, but don't forget that includes VAT". Suffice to say the VAT Man hardly, if ever, got any money off him afterwards, whatever the price of the job!
No, Lloyds bloody Bank, and bartering, can gallop off to Grantham - or I could offer them Baghdad or Kabul if they think they can find somewhere worse.