Further to my post about "The M6 - What, exactly, is it?", I have a fresh question to baffle the thinking people out there.
"What, exactly, is an IT Helpdesk?" I have had the misfortune to be in regular contact over the last couple of days with the creatures which man this so-called "service" for the company I work for and I am a tad bemused as to what they are really there for.
I could waste time going into detail but I think it is suffice to roughly summarise the telephone conversation I had with one of these coves today. It went something like this:
Pither: Hello, is that the IT Helpdesk?
Brainiac: Yeah.
Pither: Who am I talking to?
Brainiac: Jason.
Pither: Ah! You're the guy I spoke to yesterday?
Brainiac: Don't think so. We're all called Jason here (Thinks....Jason is actually on a week's holiday so we all say we're Jason so he gets all the shit from us being about as useful as a tap on a canoe today).
Pither: I've got a problem with my computer.
Brainiac: What sort of problem?
Pither: I don't know the precise technical term but, I think I would say, it's fucked!
Brainiac: What do you mean by 'fucked'?
Pither: It doesn't work. I mean that, when I switch it on and try to get it to do something, it won't co-operate.
Brainiac: Is it plugged in to the wall?
Pither: (having dealt with these animals before) Jesus H Christ!! You mean I have to stick the three-pronged plastic bit at the end of the wire into the hole in the partition between us and the mental health unit?
Brainiac: Yes.
Pither. Yup. Managed that.
Brainiac. Have you switched it on?
Pither: Do you mean have I flicked the little moveable up-and-down switchy thing on the wall socket down so that some red shows?
Brainiac: Yup.
Pither: Yup.
Brainiac: Is it working now?
Pither: Like I told you, no!
Brainiac: Have you tried rebooting?
Pither: As in going out to buy a change of footwear?
Brainiac: No, I mean have you turned off the computer and switched it back on again?
Pither: Yup. Done that.
Brainiac: Is it working?
Pither: Nope!
Brainiac: Can you ring back after 5pm?
Pither: Why?
Brainiac: I finish at 5pm.
Pither: I kinda hoped you could help me now, seeing as I've got loads to do and it needs to be in by yesterday.
Brainiac. Are you on a PC or a Mac?
Pither: A PC.
Brainiac: That explains it.
Pither: What does?
Brainiac: PCs are shite!
Pither: Well, I'm kinda stuck with this. Can you help me at all?
Brainiac: Do you like Star Trek?
Pither: Is this relevant?
Brainiac: I love it. I've got all 2,456 episodes going back to when Spock was an Arturian Mingecreature, before he moved to..............
Pither: I'm still here, you know.
Brainiac: Isn't Dr Who fab?
Pither: I get up earlier so I can hate it longer.
Brainiac: Patrick Troughton was the best.
Pither: Have you ever heard 'The Cheese Shop' sketch by Monty Python?
Brainiac: Is it on an MP3 format or do you have to cross-interface it with a 8X2000 module and then upload it on the Q system?
Pither: Do you remember me and my computer?
Brainiac: What time is it?
Pither: It's now almost 5pm. It was 2pm when we began this journey into the unbelievable.
Brainiac: Oh goodo! I'm going to see the uncut version of Tron with my flatmate tonight. We've got to be there just after 6pm.
Pither: Is your flatmate a girl?
Brainiac: No.
Pither: Thought not. Will you do me one favour before you go?
Brainiac: I'm here to help.
Pither: Would you try to die horribly in a car accident on the way to the cinema?
Brainiac: I've got a moped.
Pither: AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhhhh.
Sorry, but IT Helpdesks and all who populate them can sod off to Grantham!
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7 comments:
pebcak
If your IT helpdesk is run by fujitsu in salford I can confirm that Jason is a twat. Also they just lost the contract with us, and its run by a company in that place up north, the one with the crooked spire, near Iceland {no not the freezer place) Anyway everything keeps breaking down, seems the old company swapped any good stuff for old crap Reminds me of the time the email kept packing up at work and IT said it was the stack overheating, mmm... and as the equipment was on site I made friends with one of the 3 fingered nerdy spocktastic Jasons. It was indeed a stack, a stack of about 25 plugs going into a poundland extension socket, overload solution put an equally crappy fan on it to keep it cool. Anyway got to go and watch star trek now.
Just for you, Reg.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LLTsSnGWMI
BGT
Vicus,
I just know I'm going to regret this but...well...go on then. What does pebcak mean?
Anon,
Our IT no-helpdesk is up north, true, but it's not Salford. I think it's based at Chester Zoo (simian enclosure).
BGT,
Thanks for that.
That "Jason" sounds like a twat. I mean everyone knows that Tom Baker or the current Tardis inhabitant David Tennant are the better than Troughton as the good Doc...
Love
Big Ears
See, Reg, if you knew stuff like this you could get that job in IT that you so obviously crave.
"Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard"
Vicus,
It was obviously part of a secret language used by IT nerds. In the same idiom as IJWLOTRAANRMO (I've just watched Lord of The Rings and am now racking myself off!).
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