There is a bit of an atmosphere round at Pither Towers at the moment. The soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is not happy...... Not happy at all.
I'm sure everyone is familiar with the typical outward shows of displeasure. The ephemeral Mrs P's conversation has dried up over the last couple of days to just the occasional "yes", "no", "whatever" or "put that away". Doors which can be quietly closed now have to be frame-rattlingly slammed. Crockery usually carefully stacked away or lifted out is now crashed about. Footsteps about the house of a once soft, feminine and gentle creature have been replaced by the stompings of an elephant with PMT.
The cause of this early onset of frost about the place was what could best be termed "a difference of opinion" over the future occupancy of The Towers. In the blue corner, Pither wants two additions, and in the now very red corner, STB EW has countered with the "over my dead body" line.
You see, I want a pig and I want a donkey! I want, I want, I want, I want, I want!!STB EW has somewhat forcefully pointed out that this particular corner of The Boulevard of a Thousand Broken Dreams is already rammed to the gunnels with animal life. There are four dogs, four fish tanks, a pet frog, a pond once again brimming with koi carp, sturgeons, more frogs and goldfish, a garden packed with nesting birds, bats in the rafters and bees in a beebox. That apart, the flower beds and borders are full to bursting with the coffins and corpses of past animal residents, including four other dogs, a cat and a lobster!
Some may say that the time-limited Mrs P has a point but..............pigs and donkeys are just great!! If dogs are the Jesus Christs of the animal world, then pigs and donkeys have to be among the disciples. Pigs are impossibly cute as piglets and they grow into highly intelligent, loving and loyal, funny, wobbly things. I love 'em. Donkeys, meanwhile, are just the finest hoofed creatures alive. They convey an air of sadness which makes you want to throw a protective arm around them and they too are loving and loyal. They are also frequently dumped or ill-treated and there is a donkey sanctuary near Pither Towers full of the products of this inhuman behaviour.
Thing is, when Pither and Mrs P were at the wedding ring end of the ground, such important decisions had to be agreed mutually. Now we are heading for the Decree Nisi exit into Singledom Street I feel emboldened and free to act independently. To be American for a moment and commit the heinous sin of converting a noun into a verb, I have "sourced" both types of pet. They are more than available and, if not free to a good home, then very cheap. We also have a very large back garden, with loads of grass and other comestibles, room for shelters and a great big green just down the road for more extensive exercise.
Yes, I want, I want, I want, I want! The trouble is,
it would be selfish of me and would irk Mrs P. Decisions, decisions. I am not one to rock the boat or cause upset but, on the other hand........I want, I want, I want, I want.
Advice on a postcard, please. In the meantime, obligations and responsibilities can go to Grantham.
4 comments:
Why does STBEW object to your having pigs and a donkey for company when she will no longer be living at Pither Towers? Or are you going to have a 'My Wife Next Door' arrangement?
Possible compromise could be for STBE Mrs. P. to agree to the pigs on condition that she's invited over for a bacon breakfact every now and then.
Hi Arabella,
Sadly, no. For the foreseeable future it will be a "My Wife In The Same House" situation comedy. We both love the house and don't want to leave and so have this weird arrangement - don't ask me to explain. I can't. The STBE Mrs Pither is a bit of a hippy chick, though, and so it works for her.
I am working along the lines of "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" but something will have to give somewhere along the line.
Yours,
Confused,
Pither Towers.
But won't your mad Dingo try to kill, eat, shag or bury the pig and/or donkey??
Love
Big Ears
xx
Obviously! I mean, that goes without saying, Big Ears....only.....don't tell the wife!
Post a Comment