Well, it's a kind of religion?
I've decided, I'm gunna get in on this human rights things. There's gotta be some mileage in it for old Pither somewhere.
I mean, there's this 16-year-old lass down in Sussex who belongs to some crackpot evangelical movement - started guess where? Yes, America - whose members have vowed not to have sex until they're married. Hell's teeth! I do hope she realises that, if my marriage is anything to go by, she's going to die an old woman without EVER having played Harry Hides His Helmet if she sticks to that principle!!
Anyway, this lass, who is probably only hiding under this "my-hymen's-for-hubby" cloak to cover her embarrassment at being so pig ugly no-one would want to pork her at ANY time, has taken her school to court. She claims the school has infringed her human rights by barring her from wearing a ring which signifies she is a member of this sexless singletons club. The ring is banned because the school has a "no-jewellery" rule but Little Miss Hands-Off-Til-The-Honeymoon says that moslem girls are exempted and allowed to wear a veil, Sikh girls are likewise excused and permitted to have religious bracelets and so she should be ok to walk around, proudly displaying her digital decor which proclaims her unwillingness to drop her drawers until after the speeches and the cutting of the cake.
If I've got this right, you just have to claim you're doing something because it's your religious belief and then no-one can touch you? The moment the Feds or your boss or whoever takes issue you can just shout: "Back off, Fascist, don't oppress me. You're trashing my religion, man. I've got court papers here, and I'm prepared to use them."
The possibilities are endless. I'm not sure what constitutes a quorum in religious circles. It can't be much, can it? Maybe someone out there could advise? However many are needed, we need to start a new religion? It would have to be something different, something easily distinguishable from the cliched "walking around, doing good and praising a lot" kind of thing which is all too prevalent these days. Something like a religion where some of the key tenets are that you have to walk around in just your socks, paint your nadgers bright blue and say "blibble, blibble, ningo, ningo, naaaar!" to anyone who walks past?
All suggestions will be considered.
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6 comments:
I didn't have a religion until I read your post. Then you used the word "singleton". I am forming one right now and issuing something far worse than a jihad on you.
And you are too late. There is a surfeit of bright blue nadgers in North East Hampshire.
I think Little Miss Oh No Please Don't Muff It should be allowed to wear her ring advertising her views on this at school all the time, as long as she agrees to random hymen inspections to ensure her continued entitlement.
BGT
Someone's bound to split on her.
Yuck. The American version of this sect actually dresses the girls up in bridal gowns and has them swear an oath of chastity to THEIR FATHERS. wtf?
Chastity is much maligned. If there had been more of it, vicus probably wouldn't be here!
Arabella,
Come back to us! There aren't cults back in your homeland. We just have things in Government which....well.....are similar.
Pamela,
True! Vicus is indeed one of the most compelling arguments for contraception. But his words are like the bacteria in our guts and the dung beetles of the African plains - we would be lost without them.
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