Wakey, wakey!

So, there's this bloke, right, and he slips into a coma in 1988 after he is hit by a train , right, and then, right, guess what? Amazingly, he comes out of the coma 19 years later! This isn't a joke - it's a news story!!
It did, however, instantly remind me of the gag about the bloke who goes to a theatrical agent and says "I've got a great act. I get someone to hit me as hard as they can on the head with a sledgehammer and it doesn't affect me." "Bollocks!" says the agent, somewhat incredulously. "Go on," says the bloke. "I'll show you. Hit me with this sledgehammer I just happen to have on my person." The agent takes a mightly swing and lands the hammer smack on the head of the auditioner who promptly collapses in a heap and is rushed to hospital. He spends 20 years in a coma with the guilt-ridden agent constantly at his bedside. Then, one day, to everyone's amazement, the man comes out of the coma, opens his eyes, looks straight at the agent, and says: "Ta daaaaaaaaa!!!"
Back in the real world, I wonder what our chummy who has just come out of his coma thinks of 2007? Numerous things come to mind, like:

"Jesus Christ! Does my head hurt!! I feel like I've been run over by a train!!"

"Tone had just got in when I blacked out. At least I should have a just, socialist society to live in now those rabid Tories have gone."

"I'm sure I've seen this episode of Fools and Horses before?"

"Wasn't I in a ward when I first came here? Why the fuck am I on a trolley in this corridor?"

"Ok, which fucking clown drew on my head with lipstick and shaved my bush into the shape of cockerel?"

"Right, I've got a couple of minutes to spare so I'll just go and check my e-mails."

"God, I'm hungry. I wonder if anyone has posted a pizza delivery leaflet through my door while I've been out of it?"

"Well, at least I'll have bought my house by now. My endowment policy will have matured and paid off my mortgage."

"Nurse! Nurse!! Something's wrong with my telly. It's just picking up someone's CCTV system. All I can see is a bunch of weirdos sitting around a house all day."

This chap's devoted wife, apparently, refused to accept the doctors' prognosis that he would die without regaining consciousness so she tended him every day, washed and changed him and even took him to parties! That's a turn up for the books. I usually end up in a coma at the of parties, not the beginning. I bet he was a laugh-a-minute! "Oh don't, no! Stop it!! My sides are splitting, Norman."

I suppose if he really wants a snapshot of how shit life has got since that unfortunate encounter with the 8.30am from Westchester then he should see who and what is in Grantham - so I shall send him there