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Saturday 2 June 2007

The Names Are The Game

Reg, my beloved lobster, is gone - I think I may have mentioned it once or twice - but life goes on for the rest of us. In that spirit, the moment little Reg's Tupperware coffin had gone underground this weekend I went straight up the fishy shop to buy something to fill the void in the tank left by my little crustacean's departure.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...........................?


There, you see, is my problem. I have no name, as yet, for my new charge. For the zoologically minded, he is an albino, African long-clawed frog. As to a more personal monicer for him, I am a trifle stumped and hence would welcome any suggestions.

I toyed with the idea of calling him Duncan, after Duncan Goodhew, to whom I thought he bore some similarity.
My mind took a somewhat Barrymoresque turn when I was
about to settle on the name Stuart, after Stuart Lubbock, because he was "all white" and spent all his time underwater, but I was advised that it was too sick.
That is as far as I have got and so if anyone has any other ideas then please feel free to let me know. While you're at it, you could suggest names for two other new arrivals to Pither Towers. Again, I seem to recall mentioning that my local, neighbourhood fucking heron all-but cleaned me out of fish in my pond. Among the casualties were Doug and Dinsdale, my two long-nosed sturgeons.
Well, they have now been replaced by two more attractive diamond-backed sturgeons. I have no idea as to the sex of either and so I am sure the range of possible names for them is almost endless - only I haven't had time to put my mind to the task.
Nothing for Grantham tonight. Sorry.

5 comments:

Vicus Scurra said...

That frog puts me in mind of Leon Brittan.

Barry Lawrence said...

It's in the hat, Vicus. However, there are notable differences. The frog doesn't have a wart or thick, rubbery lips but DOES have a basic grasp of economics!

Doris said...

Call him Gumby!

And the fish should be Eric and Frank.

Anonymous said...

According to Wikipedia, King Edward The Confessor was an albino, but that might be a bit of a mouthful as a name for a frog. How about Yellowman (he was an albino reggae deejay)?

Barry Lawrence said...

Doris,
Python is always tops with me. Why Frank?.......(I'll serve 'em up, you hit 'em back!)

Betty,
I like it. Trouble is, my lad doesn't so much "shabba" as "roobitt"!

WEDNESDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2007

SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1. From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).

Monday, 12 November 2007

Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.

....And On the Subject of Great Public Services

I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.

...There's More

On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!

Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!

Oh...........my............God!!!!! My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!

Tuesday, 18 September 2007.

I wish I'd sung this! For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can. (P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.) P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.

To Make You Laugh and Cry

I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons. On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.2
Mind: 4.1
Body: 2.7
Spirit: 8
Friends/Family: 1.6
Love: 0
Finance: 5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"

I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things

Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact. To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:

Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........

In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today. The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared. Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.

Life On The Edge - No Net.

I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal? Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having! Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting! Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.

The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?

Be honest........

IT'S THE QUIZ OF THE WEEK! JUST SCROLL DOWN AND HIT "FULL QUIZ".