I'm dead excited!!! It arrived today!!!!! Yes, my order from Grattan Catalogue's Autumn Collection For Unipeds has turned up and so I'm ready to hit the town and turn a few heads.
Actually, I'm getting a bit carried away. My new gear is not really for limping along the catwalk, nor for hopping around places to be seen - unless it's raining heavily, that is. No, the polypropylene Zip 'n' Wash Leggydry 9000 is more for domestic use, notably to enable us dickheads with one leg plastered from ankle to hip to take a shower or, God forbid, even a bath without said casing dissolving into mush.
I ordered the 9000 through a "specialist" supplier who has always proved reliable in the past - the fire retardant Novelty Badgersuit and the X220 Unrottable Currypants having turned out to be excellent value for money and hard wearing garments.
I am looking forward to making extensive use of the ZnWL - I opted for the 9000 as, unlike the 8750, it includes detachable suspenders and a hook-on ashtray - because I have another four weeks in plaster to look forward to and cannot bear the thought of ever again having to shampoo the remnants of my hair over the sink or being reduced to giving my nether regions a wash and brush up with a damp flannel!!! (Oh how I laughed the day I spotted my very-soon-to-be ex-wife exfoliating her face with my "special" genital flannel!! I didn't let on, obviously.)
Anyway, I marked this glorious Saturday by having my first shower in three weeks, courtesy of the 9000. The hose down was all the more opportune because Pither is going out for a drink tonight with a bit of a girlie and so he wanted to smell nice and pack a nicely polished set of reproductive equipment - not that it'll get an airing but I always find my confidence and sense of inner well-being boosted when I've aquavacced the mould and cobwebs off my pant-fillers - don't you?
The ZnWL 9000 shall not go to Grantham, nor shall specialist garments for the larger disabled gentleman of any kind. Hurrah!
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4 comments:
Is "a bit of a girlie" like being "a bit pregnant"?
Whatever the case, have a lovely date. And tell us ALL about it.
spermatazoa, fag, pizza, sleep?
with a hint of romance and a touch of genital flannel (Ooh Matron!)(sorry, that's Carryon not Python) somewhere or other. . .
(you'll unlink me at this rate, and I'll drift back off into the cyberweb whence I came)
(hope you had a nice time tho!)
ILTV,
Yes, a nice time was had, thanks.
No, you shall not be unlinked - you are a loony, but a lovely loony and so are always welcome.
you're making me blush
not that that's ever put me off before
glad you had a nice time
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