Name That Tune

Even though I don't have the same obsession with music that most of my peers appear to have, I was having a shufty through my wax disc collection last night and it really cheered me up. You see, I came across that Dead Kennedys classic "Too Drunk To Fuck". What a title! It raised a smile and then got me thinking of other greats, the top of the pile surely being the country and western anthem "You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly".
C&W has always been a rich vein for such gems but I would be interested to hear of any brilliant numbers which deserve to be listed among the world's top ten titles.
In the meantime, how about these other little slices of genius which all helped to put the "cunt" in "country music"? (I have labelled my particular favourites with a *):

It's Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long

I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?

All My Exes Live in Texas

Saddle Up the Stove, Ma, I'm Riding the Range Tonight *

If the Phone Don't Ring, It's Me Not Calling You Up

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye *

(Pardon Me) I've Got Someone To Kill *

Her teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart was Pure

Just Bought a Car From a Guy That Stole my Girl, but the Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got an Even Deal

At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self-Service Pump

How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me? *

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now *

I Wish I Were a Woman (So I Could Go Out With a Guy Like Me)

I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?

Mama, Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head) *

Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond And She Clubbed Me With a Spade

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling *

If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure

Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better *

I Wouldn't Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

Your Negligee Has Turned To a Flannel Nightgown

I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away? **********

I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You

Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?

Come Out of the Wheatfield Nelly, You're Going Against the Grain

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night it Was Honor and Offer

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed

(For those who are interested, the winner of the "Who Goes Over The Side?" lifeboat poll was..............that cunt I used to work with..........Graham Barfoot! Hurrah! What a twat! If you're reading this, Graham, go fuck yourself!)