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Tuesday 21 August 2007

Bush In A China Strop.



Give your chuckle muscles a rest and just ponder this for a moment. It's something else to file under "S" for "Shurely shome mishtake?"
I listened to two discussions today, one on the Devil's Lantern, the other on the wireless. The first featured some apologist for Saudi Arabia who kept banging on about how spiffing and friendly the country was, how it stood for all that was right in the world and how its near-perfection explained why the USA and Britain fell over themselves to buddy up to and protect this supposed island of sanity in a sea of Islamic lunacy.
The wireless chat featured some Yank who drawled on about how evil the Chinese were and how China posed a major threat to the West and so inter-continental missiles had to be aimed at it.
Now, maybe I've got this wrong, but isn't Saudi Arabia a focal point for Islamic fundamentalism and Moslem terrorists? Where is Osama bin Laden from? Whose vast wealth funds Al Quaida? Where are 50 per cent of all "insurgents" who have so far carried out violent attacks in Iraq from? Do you know a good Saudi Arabian take-away near you? Name one good Saudi Arabian pub.
On the other hand, how many attacks have the Chinese launched on the UK mainland of late? Name one violent, Buddhist fundamentalist. Which countries have the Chinese invaded of late. Who is the king of China?
Cast your minds back to when Bush first got elected/staged his coup.Do you remember, he started jumping up and down, claiming that the Chinese were intent on world domination and needed to be kept in check? He was just about to get the troops saddled up when deranged Islamists distracted his attention. Well, Bush has fucked up majorly in Iraq and desperately wants everyone to forget about it, the North Koreans won't have a fight and so it's back to the Chinese. Orwell wrote that the capitalist bosses have to have perpetual war to keep everyone occupied, afraid, subservient and making them money. There's a lot to be said for that argument but it has never really been put into practice before because the electorate has, until now, been too smart.
What then is the difference between Saudi Arabia and China? Why do the Bush/New Labour regimes hate the Chinese and want to start a Cold War with them but love the Saudis and fight to defend the king who is bleeding his populace dry at about the same rate as he is pocketing the billions from his country's main natural resource? Go on, take a wild guess!!
The future doesn't look good, does it? I mean, even if the boffins manage to make oil obsolete by developing effective alternative sources of power, what then? If wind power takes off then we'll all be toadying up to Eskimos. If solar power is the way forward then the Bedouins will be running the show. If hydropower is the answer then we'll all be going Dutch. There's no way out.
My head's hurting again so I'm going to have a lie down.

8 comments:

Malcolm Cinnamond said...

The Adulterer's Head in Daventry serves an excellent pint of Jihad Light Ale and can rustle up a bowl of sheep's eyes faster than you can say "non-elected absolutist monarchy".

Anonymous said...

Geothermal energy is the way to go. I've always fancied being a mole.

By the way, if you're after a good Saudi pub, you can get a cracking pint of Akhtar's Virginal 72 (0% alcohol v/v) at the Old Camel in Tipton. Alternatively, try the Glorious Selfless Martyrdom in Tividale (ask for a bag of the home-made scratchings) or the Death To The Infidels in Wednesbury. Their Jolly Prophet pale ale is pretty good if you like your beer really bitter. Don't go there on a Tuesday (Ladies' Night - nobody at all is allowed in) or Thursday (Weight Watchers).

BGT

Barry Lawrence said...

Malc,

Ok, apart from the Adulterer's Head, Jihad Light and sheeps' eyes, what have the Saudis ever done for us?

BGT,

All right, all right, apart from the Adulterer's Head, Jihad Light, sheeps' eyes, Akhtar's Virginal, the Old Camel in Tipton, the Glorious Selfless Martyrdom in Tividale, the Death To The Infidels in Wednesbury and Jolly Prophet pale................

Anonymous said...

Damn, I got beaten to it.

If I'd know Malc was going down that road, I'd probably have ocncentrated on the Chinese instead. Bugger.

BGT

garfer said...

There is definitely a secret cabal of revolutionaries lurking in the Lucky Star Chinese restaurant on my high street. They look shifty and all have the same colour hair.

Anyway, that lurid pink sweet and sour sauce is radioactive and thus constitutes a weapon of mass destruction.

Deport the lot of them.

Barry Lawrence said...

Garfer,

The trouble with the Chinese is, no sooner have you deported some you feel like deporting more five minutes later.

Arabella said...

You raise pertinent and vital issues as usual Reg. If I could just stop being all excited because someone mentioned Tividale on the internetty .....

Barry Lawrence said...

Arabella,

At the risk of pushing you to orgasm across the ocean.......Burnt Tree Island, Birmingham New Road, Coseley, Old Hill.

WEDNESDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2007

SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1. From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).

Monday, 12 November 2007

Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.

....And On the Subject of Great Public Services

I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.

...There's More

On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!

Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!

Oh...........my............God!!!!! My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!

Tuesday, 18 September 2007.

I wish I'd sung this! For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can. (P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.) P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.

To Make You Laugh and Cry

I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons. On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.2
Mind: 4.1
Body: 2.7
Spirit: 8
Friends/Family: 1.6
Love: 0
Finance: 5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"

I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things

Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact. To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:

Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........

In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today. The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared. Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.

Life On The Edge - No Net.

I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal? Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having! Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting! Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.

The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?

Be honest........

IT'S THE QUIZ OF THE WEEK! JUST SCROLL DOWN AND HIT "FULL QUIZ".