Well, after only 24 hours' grace, I was back at the hospital again today to once more meet interesting new people - an A&E consultant, an orthopaedics doctor, an orthopaedics registrar and, finally, an orthopaedics consultant.
The upshot of this four hours of flesh pressing was that I now have new legwear, albeit slightly less sleek and sexy than my original Ann Summers support stocking.
Oh, and I almost forgot.............they managed to work out what was wrong with me - physically, that is, not psychologically. It turns out that, as the orthopaedic consultant explained it to me, "Terry tendon has snapped and come away from Nigel kneecap". How naughty of him, I said.
To rectify this latest mechanical mishap to hit Pither's otherwise highly-tuned, athletic and God-like body I have to go back to the hospital again - supposedly tomorrow - to undergo an operation which involves stitching up Terry and inserting a length of wire to stop him going walkabout again.
If the orthopaedic surgeon's hangover is not too acute, the anaesthetist can keep his hands off the theatre sister long enough and there is a temporary lull in the raging epidemic of MRSA then there is a chance I will pull through. I will then have four to six weeks of wearing a cast to look forward to before I have to return to the Theatre of Blood to have the wire removed.
Nothing for Grantham today - except possibly the sad, pathetic, shambling joke which is my entire existence at the moment! Oh, and self-pity as well.
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Shaggy Blog Stories
16 comments:
Oh dear Reg,
Sorry about your tumble, better delete any entries in the blog about the medical lot or............. well one slip of the knife and its no more hide the salami.
Dear Anon,
Thanks for the sympathy. A slip of the knife is always worrying but, then again, Mr Salami has not been to Furry Clam Land for so long I doubt I'd miss him!
Yarrgkh....that sounds...like something that's not very nice.
I hope you can be cheered by the fact that blue is definitely you.
Thanks Arabella,
Style is not something which comes easily to me so I'm almost tempted to go out and bust my other knee so I can have a matching set of Bader's Baggies.
Please post the video of the op.
Would you like us to visit you while you are in hospital?
What shall we bring?
Grapes? Flowers?
Shit mate, I'm sorry to hear about your nasty injury.
Hope you recover soon.
Take care mate, love you,
Big Ears
xx
PS: "Red Army, Red Army, Red Army..."
Vicus,
The video, I gather, is to be shown on the forthcoming Channel 4 programme "When Operations Go Tragically Wrong".
No grapes or flowers please. Just send donations to "The Home for the Middle-aged and Bewildered, Where Did It All Go Wrong Lane, Fuckem, Surrey".
Big Ears,
Thanks for the nice, if apparently homosexual-to-the-uninformed, words (spelled correctly - I must have done something right!)
Hope the plastic surgery on your ears goes ok. I want the left-overs. I plan to make an organic car cover with the trimmings.
Is yer arse as hairy as yer legs?
If so, I want to see it.
Are you trying to turn into the Barry Sheen of blogging? A good job they're going to remove that wire eventually, or you'd be setting the bleepers off at airport security for the rest of your natural born.
Hope you make a speedy recovery. Get plenty of rest, eat healthily etc., etc.
Hi MJ,
My arse has been likened to a little Michelangelo soaked in Brut but it's more like Telly Savalas and Yul Brynner having a head-to-head than a couple of large coconuts. Also, it's away for repairs at the moment so I can't dislocate my neck/shoulders and take a pic of it for you. Sorry.
Hi Betty,
Sadly, the only thing BS and I have in common is that he's also dead. As to my ringpiece, sadly I already set off the airport alarms, what with the plate in my head, my nipple clamps and the Prince Albert! Thanks for the kind words. I will try not to die.
If it's any consolation, I pulled a muscle in my shoulder the other day reaching for a Fox's Glacier Mint. Doctors seem to think I'll pull through.
All the best chum, get well soon.
Thanks Malc,
Certainly put my mind at rest on one or two things there.
Reg - this is a tragedy!!! Who am I going to get shitfaced with now you're out of action?
Never fear. I know my duty as a true and loyal friend. Rest assured, one phone call from you will be sufficient to get me to your door, day or night, with lethal quantities of alcohol and almost equally lethal quantities of bullshit to talk about and while away the long hours of recovery and rehabilitation.
Just say the word! I'm quite looking forward to it already.
BGT
BGT,
I would, of course, have expected no less from you - a truly magnificent gesture and the mark of a true friend. Sadly, as both you and I know, the conditions of our bail on charges arising out of "the incident" forbid us from meeting up - they also forbid us to contact the children's organisation involved or the shop where we bought the equipment.
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