**********************************************************WHY GRANTHAM? JUST CLICK: TEXT **********************************************************
Thursday, 25 January 2007
Calculating Pie.
I have a choice tonight. Play Russian Roulette or go hungry. The choice, on the face of it, may seem simple but I am in a quandry because my stomach is in a knot and I could eat a scabby horse. What to do?
My dilemma was seeded more than a fortnight ago when the freezer packed in because it was crammed to the gunnels with foody-type things. Turns out, the freezer only works when there is a bit of air in there to circulate and keep everything frozen. Mine was so jammed-full it was a virtual vacuum and so "stuff" was starting to thaw.
I decided then to suspend my wanton ways, stop building food mountains and start working my way through the comestibles I had stockpiled, a meal at a time.
I managed to chomp my way through frozen pizzas, vegetables, quiches, fishermen's platters, prawns, fish, stewing steak, chops, Saddo Vesta Chow Meins-for-One, the remains of my soon-to-be ex-wife (joke!) and the like and was rather proud of coming up with a different, passable dinner every evening. Sadly, the game is now over. I looked in tonight to discover that the ONLY item left in the freezer drawers was a bag, simply labelled "pie".
I didn't put it there. It's not one of my stupid purchases. It was definitely sneaked in there by STB EW. Who else would label something which was so evidently a "pie" as "pie" - without expanding on it?
The contents of the bag are, indeed, pie-shaped. It has a pastry lid. It is the depth of a pie and it is round like the best pies. The only problem is - what the fuck is in it?!?
Preparing and cooking potatoes, carrots, peas and the like to go with it, together with a nice, oniony gravy, is going to be a bit of a waste of time if it turns out to be an apple pie. Conversely, ice cream or double cream and fruit is going to look a bit silly, not to mention undigestible, with a steak and kidney pie.
The third option is that it is a pie of who-cares-what type which, despite being frozen, was fashioned by Egyptian slaves who intended to eat it after working on the pyramids but they then died of exhaustion before being able to hit Gas Mark 4. It could contain lots of little nasty things which will turn my insides to liquid if I eat it and then put me in a body bag afterwards.
Decisions, decisions. Now I think about it, I bought the dogs a fresh sack of complete food today and so, with a bit of instant Bisto, I could have a safer option.
No, I have decided, dog food for Pither, playing Russian Roulette with anonymous pies to Grantham.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
WEDNESDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2007
SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1.
From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).
Monday, 12 November 2007
Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.
....And On the Subject of Great Public Services
I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.
...There's More
On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!
Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!
Oh...........my............God!!!!!
My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!
Tuesday, 18 September 2007.
I wish I'd sung this!
For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can.
(P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.)
P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.
To Make You Laugh and Cry
I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons.
On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"
This Is My Life, Rated | |
Life: | 4.2 |
Mind: | 4.1 |
Body: | 2.7 |
Spirit: | 8 |
Friends/Family: | 1.6 |
Love: | 0 |
Finance: | 5.9 |
Take the Rate My Life Quiz |
I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things
Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck
It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact.
To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:
Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........
In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today.
The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared.
Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.
Life On The Edge - No Net.
I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal?
Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having!
Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting!
Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.
The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?
Be honest........
Who fucking cares!!
No comments:
Post a Comment