On Silicone, Suspense and That Sinking Feeling.

Disappointments come in many guises here at Pither Towers. My latest life let-down was this evening and hit me after I exercised a talent I have acquired through my work as a journo - ear-wigging other people's conversations.
I was passing the kitchen when I chanced upon a chat my soon-to-be ex-wife was having on the phone with one of her poisonous pals. The content caused me to pull up short and crane my head to the door to get a better earful. The warbling went something like this: "Well, I know. Gill has got a fantastic new pair now.
"It seems everyone I know is getting them.
"Gill's husband Paul - you know, the one with the hairlip and directorship? Well Gill says he loves them and so she's really pleased she got them.
"Yes, I know.
"They were Hellish expensive but he treated her. Don't think old misery guts will buy me a pair, even though he would like to see me with them.
"What about Steve? Would he? Yes, yes, urrm, oh,well, you never know.
"I just know my one would say the pair I've got are perfectly ok and I don't need new ones.
"Yes, oh God, yes. They are great. Gill says she's getting a lot of attention since she had them. The skin is really natural-looking. You know, soft and warm.
"No, Gill says they're not uncomfortable at all. I know they're bulkier than her old pair but they are a lot more compact and they really stand out."
I was about to go to check the available balance on my credit card to see if I could afford to send STBEW to Silicone City for a couple of souvenirs when the chat took what I thought was a weird turn for a person talking, as I imagined, about having breast implants. STBEW said: "You can never have enough pairs, that's what I say.
"If you got some, could I borrow yours?"
What!!!! This is getting too bizarre. I'm not sure that, bosom lover though I am, I would be keen on a woman with 26 of them or one who suddley appeared sporting her mate's pair. Then came another shocking snippet of conversation. "If you wear tight drainpipes you can tuck them inside." Bloody Hell!! Big boobs are one thing but when they hang so low you have to tuck them in anything that is another!
Curiosity got the better of me at last. When STBEW eventually put the phone down I wandered into the kitchen as casually as I could and asked, with a feigned air of lack of interest: "What were you two talking about?"
The reply brought that oh so familiar sinking feeling in my heart.
"Boots. Gill has got this great new pair of leather, designer boots. You would treat me to some if you weren't such a tight-wad."
Oh well, such is life. For one, brief moment, I was set to be ahead. It was, of course, too good to last. Back to the world of dreams.
Dashed hopes? Get 'em Granthamed.